Gene Simmons - Asshole

Liu · 04-09-2006, 09:52 PM

Gene Simmons - Asshole
Sanctuary

I have a habit of buying cheap albums on ebay. In my latest batch of inexpensive swag was a copy of Gene Simmons' second solo album, Asshole. It just cost $2 for the used copy, I figured it was a good deal. Under no circumstances would I had paid full price for this, no way no how. But, I do have a habit of enjoying albums that the general music populace despise (such as KISS' Psycho Circus). Hey, for $2 how could I go wrong?

Ok, might as well describe this atrocity to you. I've only played it once and have already decided that I will never, eeeeeeeeeever, play this again, so now's the time to get the review over with. The album starts decently enough. Sweet & Dirty Love sounds like a vintage KISS rock song, or at least one that would had ended up as a B-Side. Gene probably decided on putting this as the opener to give you some hope that everything will actually turn out good and that he hadn't lost all his marbles with all those KISS merchandise debacles like the KISS Condom and KISS Koffin. Nope, trust me, its all a swindle and it just gets worse. Second song here is Firestarter, a cover of the Progidy song. The original is fairly energetic and catchy, so you'd think Gene couldn't possibly fuck it up. Sorry, Gene sings this song with all the enthusiasm of a pothead playing monopoly (here's a tip: don't let him be the bank). Hope is momentarily shined upon us again with Weapons Of Mass Destruction. Gene lets loose his thundering bass but the song has no real legs to stand on. Waiting For The Morning Light is apparently a duet with Bob Dylan. I honestly don't remember anything about this song, except that it was pretty mundane and went nowhere.

Speaking of going nowhere, that perfectly describes the next few songs. Beautiful is anything but and the title track is semi-interesting but hardly redeeming. The next two songs are without a doubt the worst songs you'll find here, and possibly on any other album in your collection. Now That You're Gone and Whatever Turns You On have the single worst back up singers in the entire history of rock music. A bunch of his friends and family sing on these two tracks and they deserve to be shot. I'm skipping Dog because I don't remember anything about it and my player will melt the cd if I attempt to put it back in. Black Tongue is a supposed duet with the late Frank Zappa. All Gene did was get some old unused recordings and played some junk over it. If Frank were somehow resurrected and were played this song, he'd jump back into his grave. We finally get another decent track in Carnival Of Souls, which is apparently an old unused KISS song. The song is listenable, compared to the garbage that preceeded it, but otherwise this old unused KISS song should have stayed unused. I've already written too much about this album, so you'll just have to trust me that the remains songs are crap.

Gene, you're an asshole. I want my $2 back.

01. Sweet & Dirty Love
02. Firestarter
03. Weapons Of Mass Destruction
04. Waiting For The Morning Light
05. Beautiful
06. Asshole
07. Now That You're Gone
08. Whatever Turns You On
09. Dog
10. Black Tongue
11. Carnival Of Souls
12. If I Had A Gun
13. 1,000 Years

Score: 2/10

04-09-2006, 09:52 PM	#1
Liu Global Galaxy Tyrant Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 196	Gene Simmons - Asshole Gene Simmons - Asshole Sanctuary I have a habit of buying cheap albums on ebay. In my latest batch of inexpensive swag was a copy of Gene Simmons' second solo album, Asshole. It just cost $2 for the used copy, I figured it was a good deal. Under no circumstances would I had paid full price for this, no way no how. But, I do have a habit of enjoying albums that the general music populace despise (such as KISS' Psycho Circus). Hey, for $2 how could I go wrong? Ok, might as well describe this atrocity to you. I've only played it once and have already decided that I will never, eeeeeeeeeever, play this again, so now's the time to get the review over with. The album starts decently enough. Sweet & Dirty Love sounds like a vintage KISS rock song, or at least one that would had ended up as a B-Side. Gene probably decided on putting this as the opener to give you some hope that everything will actually turn out good and that he hadn't lost all his marbles with all those KISS merchandise debacles like the KISS Condom and KISS Koffin. Nope, trust me, its all a swindle and it just gets worse. Second song here is Firestarter, a cover of the Progidy song. The original is fairly energetic and catchy, so you'd think Gene couldn't possibly fuck it up. Sorry, Gene sings this song with all the enthusiasm of a pothead playing monopoly (here's a tip: don't let him be the bank). Hope is momentarily shined upon us again with Weapons Of Mass Destruction. Gene lets loose his thundering bass but the song has no real legs to stand on. Waiting For The Morning Light is apparently a duet with Bob Dylan. I honestly don't remember anything about this song, except that it was pretty mundane and went nowhere. Speaking of going nowhere, that perfectly describes the next few songs. Beautiful is anything but and the title track is semi-interesting but hardly redeeming. The next two songs are without a doubt the worst songs you'll find here, and possibly on any other album in your collection. Now That You're Gone and Whatever Turns You On have the single worst back up singers in the entire history of rock music. A bunch of his friends and family sing on these two tracks and they deserve to be shot. I'm skipping Dog because I don't remember anything about it and my player will melt the cd if I attempt to put it back in. Black Tongue is a supposed duet with the late Frank Zappa. All Gene did was get some old unused recordings and played some junk over it. If Frank were somehow resurrected and were played this song, he'd jump back into his grave. We finally get another decent track in Carnival Of Souls, which is apparently an old unused KISS song. The song is listenable, compared to the garbage that preceeded it, but otherwise this old unused KISS song should have stayed unused. I've already written too much about this album, so you'll just have to trust me that the remains songs are crap. Gene, you're an asshole. I want my $2 back. 01. Sweet & Dirty Love 02. Firestarter 03. Weapons Of Mass Destruction 04. Waiting For The Morning Light 05. Beautiful 06. Asshole 07. Now That You're Gone 08. Whatever Turns You On 09. Dog 10. Black Tongue 11. Carnival Of Souls 12. If I Had A Gun 13. 1,000 Years Score: 2/10 __________________ Lapland Metal