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Man Bike

Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:09 pm
by Project Undead Vish
Craigslist posting

Date: 2008-07-22, 10:18AM PDT


Bike for sale


What kind of bike? I don't know, I'm not a bike scientist. What I am though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike. This bike is made out of metal and kick ass spokes. The back reflector was taken off, but if you think that deters me from riding at night, you're way wrong. I practiced ninja training in Japan's mount Fuji for 5 years and the first rule they teach about ninja biking is that back reflectors let the enemy know where you are. Not having a rear reflector is like saying "FUCK YOU CAR, JUST TRY AND FIND ME".



The bike says Giant on the side because it's referring to my junk, but rest assured even if you have tiny junk that Giant advertisement is going to remain right where it is. I bought this bike for 300 dollars from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when I did. He was so impressed with me he offered me to be his son but I thought that was sissy shit so I said no way.



The bike has some rusted screws, but that just shows how much of a bad ass you are. Everyone knows rusted screws on a bike means that you probably drove it underwater and that's bad ass in itself. Those screws can be replaced with shiny new ones, but if you're going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the balls since you're probably a dickless lizard who doesn't like to look intimidating.



The bike is for men because the seat is flat or some shit and not shaped like a dildo. If you like flat seated bikes you're going to love this thing because it doesn't try to penetrate your ass or anything.



I've topped out at 75 miles per hour on this uphill but if you're just a regular man you'll probably top it out at 10 miles per hour. This thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The bike has 7 speeds in total:


Gear 1 - Sissy Gear
Gear 2 - Less Sissy Gear
Gear 3 - Least Sissy Gear
Gear 4 - Boy Gear
Gear 5 - Pre-teen Boy Gear
Gear 6 - Manly Gear
Gear 7 - Big Muscles Gear

I only like gear 6 and 7 to be honest.


Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a gigantic lock to keep it secure. The lock is the size of a bull's testicles and tells people you don't fuck around with locking up your bike tank. It tells would-be-thieves "Hey asshole, touch this bike and I'll appear from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-four".


Bike is for 150 OBO (and don't give me no panzy prices)

Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:49 pm
by Adremelech
Sounds like Jody wrote that.

Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 12:51 am
by Evil Red
That's fucking rad. :D

Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 1:09 am
by LIVE FO RETSINIM
Adremelech wrote:Sounds like Jody wrote that.
ha, the only trouble is, the name "man bike" is a oxymoron, as bicycles are for complete pussies, therefore I would never have a bicycle to sell.

Although, now that he is selling his bike, I would like to party with that dude.

Posted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 6:30 pm
by YTSEJAM
LIVE FO RETSINIM wrote:. bicycles are for complete pussies,
really... maybe you should get off your flat fuckin computer chair ass and copme and ride with TGORLE and myself and see how "pussy" it is... YOU mentioning that has the largest man meat curtains on this forum... Pussy boy.:headshot:

Posted: Tue Sep 30, 2008 4:11 pm
by LIVE FO RETSINIM
LIVE FO RETSINIM wrote:as bicycles are for complete pussies,

.
YTSEJAM wrote: copme and ride with TGORLE and myself
Case Closed.

Posted: Thu Oct 02, 2008 12:28 pm
by Jonathan
I've voted this thread:

"Forums Of Filth's Best Thread Of Two Thousand Eight"