textsfromlastnight.com

Blake NWR · Post by **Blake NWR** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 12:40 pm

Hmm, good to know.

Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.

Morbid · Post by **Morbid** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 4:44 pm

win...

(248): thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.

(828): So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.

(630): You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.

(608): Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea

Evil Red · Post by **Evil Red** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 12:00 am

Blake NWR wrote:Hmm, good to know.

Hmmmm. I'd disagree with that quote.

Blake NWR · Post by **Blake NWR** » Sun Aug 23, 2009 9:59 pm

Bwahaha!!

(706): Don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... And me.

Blake NWR · Post by **Blake NWR** » Fri Sep 04, 2009 8:56 am

Here's an actual conversation I had with a friend from Vegas who went to see Poison in California:

(702) Dude, show is kicking ass. Tried to throw my bra but wasnt skanky enough

(541) Use it as a panty slingshot

(702) Thats y we r friends!!

-deathboy- · Post by **-deathboy-** » Fri Sep 04, 2009 9:38 am

i have to assume you submitted that?

Blake NWR · Post by **Blake NWR** » Sat Sep 05, 2009 8:42 pm

-deathboy- wrote:i have to assume you submitted that?

Yes, but it didn't make it for some reason. So that's how it would have appeared.

Morbid · Post by **Morbid** » Sun Sep 13, 2009 11:31 am

Win.

(917): Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him

Blake NWR · Post by **Blake NWR** » Sun Sep 13, 2009 12:14 pm

(207): I think we should see other people.
(1-207): Already working on it.

Ha!

Blake NWR · Post by **Blake NWR** » Sun Sep 13, 2009 3:30 pm

Oh shit!!

(215): he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles

-deathboy- · Post by **-deathboy-** » Tue Sep 22, 2009 2:13 pm

oh lordy!
taking a ride on the roflcoaster here and of course i immediately thought of the evil one:

(812): How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?

Blake NWR · Post by **Blake NWR** » Tue Sep 22, 2009 4:31 pm

-deathboy- wrote:oh lordy!
taking a ride on the roflcoaster here and of course i immediately thought of the evil one:

(812): How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?

DAMMIT!! You beat me to it! Yes, I thought of her too.

Evil Red · Post by **Evil Red** » Tue Sep 22, 2009 10:38 pm

-deathboy- wrote:oh lordy!
taking a ride on the roflcoaster here and of course i immediately thought of the evil one:

(812): How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?

Blake NWR wrote:DAMMIT!! You beat me to it! Yes, I thought of her too.

OH BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

*wipes tears*

I love you guys.

-deathboy- · Post by **-deathboy-** » Wed Sep 23, 2009 7:43 am

*beeps both you noses*

-deathboy- · Post by **-deathboy-** » Wed Oct 14, 2009 1:58 pm

ok so, this one wins the internet!

(313): I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.

Morbid · Post by **Morbid** » Wed Oct 14, 2009 9:43 pm

I haven't been on that site in almost a month... I am missing out on so much

Blake NWR · Post by **Blake NWR** » Tue Oct 20, 2009 1:46 pm

I'm sorry, but THIS one wins. Period.

(516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

-deathboy- · Post by **-deathboy-** » Tue Oct 20, 2009 3:22 pm

lo freakin l!!!

Project Undead Vish · Post by **Project Undead Vish** » Sat Oct 24, 2009 10:32 am

(815): have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
(1-815): why can't you just be normal

I just fucking died laughing.

Six6VI · Post by **Six6VI** » Fri Oct 30, 2009 1:39 am

From what I'm told, my father inlaw took a little video of just that with his phone and then sent it to my mother inlaw, much to her horror.

Yeah, he's that kind of twisted.

Morbid · Post by **Morbid** » Thu Dec 03, 2009 12:48 pm

I hope they actually post this one I sent in...

425- Since when was posting Lady Gaga lyrics as your status on Facebook considered cool?

NICODEMUS · Post by **NICODEMUS** » Wed Dec 23, 2009 12:23 pm

(605): you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?

Blake NWR · Post by **Blake NWR** » Wed Dec 23, 2009 4:09 pm

Now this is what I call keeping your priorities in order.

(404): Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
(1-404): did you answer or finish?
(404): both

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