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he HAS to be joking...

Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2001 11:00 pm
by I am 138

"Anarchy means crossing when it says 'Don't Walk'" - TISM

Posted: Sun Nov 25, 2001 4:02 am
by Muncher666
Agreed. Anyone who thought Nicholas Cage was good in Con-Air should be shot. I've oft thought about making an 'alternate cut' without all of Cage's scenes. It'd make more sense, but be ever so much more fun..


"Smoosh the fishy on the bready boardie!" - Swedish Chef

Posted: Sun Nov 25, 2001 6:20 am
by Griff [Mola]
I actually thought that Cage's ridiculous drawl in CON AIR perfectly complimented the all-round fun cheesiness of the flick. So, huh, bang bang.

Anyone one else notice that he seemed to have stolen Jean Claude Van Damme's wig and wardrobe from HARD TARGET for that movie?

Now, what was the topic again?

Posted: Sun Nov 25, 2001 10:06 am
by I am 138
Originally posted by Griff [Mola]:

Anyone one else notice that he seemed to have stolen Jean Claude Van Damme's wig and wardrobe from HARD TARGET for that movie?

Dude, you're right!

The thing that that guy's reviews got me with is his take on Jurrasic Park III which had a good script acording to him, and his review of Frequency, which is one of his top 5 movies of all time, and in his top 10 for the His 5 best movies of all time are less than 3 years old, and he feels honored to be in pretty much any audience that sees a movie. And after he RAVES about all this Hollywood tripe, in his Miss Congeniality review, he says it's rare to find a good flick in Hollywood. The guy is either one great Andy Kaufman-esque comedian, or a complete weirdo.

"Anarchy means crossing when it says 'Don't Walk'" - TISM

Posted: Sun Nov 25, 2001 4:26 pm
by Griff [Mola]
I've barely seen any of the films this monkey dick has reviewed but I think I've seen enough to know that his taste is in his arse.

At one stage I was thinking that perhaps he was paid to write these universally praising reviews but then he actually bagged THE OTHERS.

Here's some great quotes, anyway:

"Words cannot describe the way I felt while watching "Men Of Honor" because it is one of the most courageous, emotional and moving films I've seen since 'Saving Private Ryan.'"

"Enemy At The Gates" may be one of the best war films I have seen since "Saving Private Ryan" because it is executed perfectly."

"Pearl Harbor" is one of the most moving and emotional stories ever brought to screen since "Saving Private Ryan."

"Enemy At The Gates" sets the tone as the first great war film of the 22nd century."

Say wha...?

Posted: Sun Nov 25, 2001 5:35 pm
by howlermonkee
Well, yeah...I'll go with the majority on this one. The review on Swordfish though really got me. THE ONLY FRIGGIN REASON HOLLY BERRY WAS GOOD IN THE FILM WAS BECAUSE YOU SAW HER TITS FOR LIKE 20 SECONDS!!!!!!!!! Image There, I'm calm like a bomb now

Posted: Sun Nov 25, 2001 6:11 pm
by DylanDog
I didn't (and won't) bother to read this guys reviews, but you guys do realize that the overwhelming majority of movie-goers (ah, who am I kidding, the majority of PEOPLE) are total morons, right? So none of you should be surprised by any thing you read up there.

Forget ALL unhappiness and pressure. Let us X'mas first!!!!!! Thanks God's leading in whole year!!!!! -eBay seller

Posted: Sun Nov 25, 2001 6:36 pm
by I am 138
It's just so funny. It's like the guy wants to be breakin' into movie reviews for a living, but has all the film history knowledge of a 2 year old. He looks forward to Cuba Gooding Jr. future in the cinema, but Cuba's been around for over a decade. I really think the guy's gotta be a minor, as all his faves are so recent.

"Anarchy means crossing when it says 'Don't Walk'" - TISM

Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2001 4:57 am
by Latte Thunder
I went to school at a media school and a lot of my classes were tied into film and video classes, so we shared a lot of class time with film students. What really disturbs me, is that this guy's reviews are written exactly like those students spoke. When they would go off on a movie, it would be with colorful adjectives, the kind you see in big bold letters and quoted at the top of a movie poster. "AI was an emotional joyride!" - that sort of thing. It was the weirdest thing I'd ever heard. People actually talk like that? And who the fuck could sing praises of 3000 Miles To Graceland?!?! That wasn't even a decent action movie!

Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2001 4:51 pm
by Darth Tanner
LOL those reviews were pretty funny, but I have to wonder what planet this guy is on.

For the record, I saw 3000 MILES TO GRACELAND in the theater. Yes, it was as bad as people say, but I still have to say I enjoyed it. If you ask me, it was worth it just to see Kevin Costner and Kurt Russell sing and dance during the closing credits Image