House of Wax, eh?

[Remo D]

So... were you planning to skip this one because Paris Hilton is prominently featured in it?

Or maybe because it has nothing to do with another little picture called HOUSE OF WAX that's earned something of a reputation in our world? (Hey, there IS a character named Vincent, at least... but calling this TOURIST TRAP would have been more accurate for something that wants to SOUND like a remake!)

Were you going to give this one a miss because you figured (correctly) that the characters would be a bunch of superficial stick figures? Yeah, you've got the "normal" couple anchoring things at the beginning, you've got the blonde arm candy, you've got the black friend who just HAS to be introduced via pounding rap music, you've got the doofus with the camcorder and you've got the belligerent "criminal type" that you just know is gonna turn out to have his heart in the right place after all. Hoo boy.

So you can safely write off the new HOUSE OF WAX from Dark Castle?

Your loss.

Without the slightest bit of irony or sarcasm I have to inform you that the film just plain WORKS in spite of itself. The characters ARE disposable. The believability is out the window (let's just START with the concept of the literal "house of wax" itself and THEN go to town). But this is still the best Dark Castle film since their impressive start with the HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL remake. The look of the film is fantastic. The pacing is surprisingly slick, given the unusual length of the project (almost two solid hours). The gore sequences are sharp, nasty and cringe-inducing ("take it easy, man--I'll get you out of this")... and even the characters (hollow as they may be) are watchable (you will DEFINITELY want to pay attention to Ms. Hilton, as she gives you what you want... and I'm not even referring to her striptease number!!!).

No, it's simply the grand scale of the film that makes it work. We are NOT in Kevin Williamson's Smartass Land, where everyone pretends that they're above the material. No--we're in a realm where people remember why the material has endured as long as it has... so they just get in there and PLAY it. And they make it LOOK new even when it isn't.

You sit through the last twenty minutes of this film, no matter how preposterous you might find it in "reality" and tell me it wasn't worth seeing on the big screen. Knowing it's coming is NOT the same thing as watching HOW it happens and HOW they pull it off. This is "old school" done for today's fans... but done RIGHT.

[Latte Thunder]

Get the fuck out of here! Seriously?

[Remo D]

Get the fuck out of here! Seriously?

Hey, I'm just as surprised as you are. And I was straight up with you on how believable the plot is and how realistic the characters are, so nobody gets to come back at me with THAT one.

But I've never seen it done quite the way it's done here--let's face it, when you're Robert Zemeckis, et al, then you can have whatever budget you want and you can pull out all the stops with the most spectacular sets and effects. Doesn't matter how many psycho/slasher films or how many "wax museum" films I've seen in the past... by the time this one was over I was convinced that I was watching a new movie. There were even some surprises... without getting into spoiler territory, I'll allow that I was sure I'd figured out one key element ("well, since they're copying THIS movie at THIS point, then so-and-so is going to turn out to be SO-and so!") only to be proven wrong.

I still think you're going to enjoy the gore scenes, and I still think you're going to appreciate the big-screen effect when it comes to the grand finale. And if I'm COMPLETELY wrong? Well, then you'll know better than to take my advice again... but I can assure you that I'm neither lying, being sarcastic, nor deliberately trying to trick you.

[Jakeuglyface]

I read so many bad reviews before seeing it and totally expected to hate it but I actually liked it. I mean, I wasn't blown away or anything but I enjoyed myself and thought it was a lot better than most the crap that came out recently. I was just caught off guard that it was actually good...

[mickey brown-eye]

Wow! Thanks! I was going to pass this up. I think I will go see it now!

[Angelica]

Seeing it tonight.... I can't believe I have been running amuck in these forums forever and never noticed this room; I am a horror junky.

There has been so many terirble horror movies lately, I just want something ENTERTAINING, I don't go see horror movies looking for acedemy award nominations...

and fuck, if Jake likes it...

[RottedZombie]

The thought of Paris in the film made me cringe. I thought "How could they ruin a Vincent Price film by sticking some whore in it" but I seen the trailors and it didn't look half bad so I figured i'd just wait until the DVD came out but after reading your review i'll have to check it out in the theatre. Thanks.

[Kimberly]

Total popcorn filck...

One part I couldn't believe they did what they did... I didn't see it coming...

[Griff [Mola]]

This has just opened down here. The radio ads are enticing people by saying "Do you want to see Paris Hilton die? Then you'll have to see House of Wax". I want to see Paris Hilton die but I don't want to (pay to) see HOUSE OF WAX. No offense, Remo.

[Remo D]

']This has just opened down here. The radio ads are enticing people by saying "Do you want to see Paris Hilton die? Then you'll have to see House of Wax". I want to see Paris Hilton die but I don't want to (pay to) see HOUSE OF WAX. No offense, Remo.

None taken, of course.

If the latest Fango is any indication, reaction seems to be split right down the middle--there's the "pleasant surprise" crowd and the "hate hate hate" crowd. I went with the former--there's plenty of cheesy airhead material, but there are also some imaginative bits and setpieces that I could honestly say I had not seen before.

Dark Castle's THIR13EN GHOSTS used up its best stuff in the first half and then started running in place. HOUSE OF WAX essentially did the opposite. If you don't like it, I won't even be surprised--let alone offended.

[Inearthed]

As terrible as everyone says this is, I'm actually kind of curious. Once its out on DVD, it'll be Netflix'd!