The Cave

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Remo D
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The Cave

Post by Remo D » Sun Aug 28, 2005 5:55 pm

Seen enough of the trailer? Or of the TV spot that just couldn't resist giving away the most interesting plot revelation?

Well, your patience is no longer required... IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE!!!

And it's every bit as generic as you KNEW it was going to be.

THE CAVE is another one of those movies where the kindest compliment you can come up with is "It wasn't completely terrible." And of course, it's another one of those in which you can begin a review with the phrase "You know the drill" (which is also a line in the movie).

You know the drill. A bunch of cave divers are out to see what happened to explorers who disappeared thirty years ago while investigating an important archeological find. They get attacked by monsters, their way into the cave gets sealed off, and they've got to find their way back out. And they've got to work TOGETHER! If they can maintain as a group, they'll MAKE IT! And they get picked off one by one.

Impressive set and art design. Nothing wrong with the acting. And yeah, the "rock climbing" scene was pretty damn decent.

The monsters? It's a CGI fest, of course. And perhaps the monsters would be frightening if you could ever get a decent look at them.

Script? Oy, vey. You're ahead of it all the way through the groaner finale.

PG-13? Yep, and obviously cut down to get that rating. Perhaps there'll be an unrated DVD in which Cole Hauser will get to complete the line that starts "Come on, mother--" (told you the script was fantastic, didn't I?). And the gore will be somewhat extended. And I still won't care.

THE CAVE, as I said, isn't completely terrible. But it's as middling as they come.

Oh, I had a golden opportunity to sneak into THE BROTHERS GRIMM directly afterwards. And I passed it up. I just... can't... get... interested....
My dog's breath smells like peanut butter...

...and I don't even have a dog!


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