Escape THE FOG

[Remo D]

Ah, but is that the website address or actual advice?

Well, here it is. And am I going to approach it as a new movie or as a remake of something I'm quite old enough to remember freshly the first time around?

It's a no-two-ways-about-it remake. The characters are re-invented, and there's a different approach to the ending, but this is by no means a HOUSE OF WAX in-name-only deal. And while the basic premise and story still retain their appeal, director Rupert Wainwright is out to prove that he can do it better (that's the general idea, right?).

The problem, as I see it, is that he comes up with such an undeniably terrific jump/shock in the very early going. We acknowledge it--but it's obvious that he acknowledged it, too--well before he finished the movie. So he figured he could do it again. And again. And again. Try at least three times in the NEXT TEN MINUTES?

Couldn't care less about the PG-13 deal. The original would be PG-13 if it were released for the first time today. THE FOG was never known for its graphic gore, sex or anything extreme. But those ghostly arms reaching out of the mist apparently aren't good enough today. Now we have to have fire blasts and CGI special effects (there's a hell of a Liquid Plum'r commercial in here somewhere).

And yeah, we've gotta have "rave" teens a la HOUSE OF THE DEAD instead of crusty old sea salts. And wouldn't you know it--we've got to add a comic relief character with no parallel in the original film. He's there with the wisecracks, he's put in mortal danger (but of course can't be killed himself), and since the tension built in the last fifteen minutes is supposedly unbearable, he can ease the stress by saying things like "Hey, leave me out of this! MY family's from Chicago!" (Can you guess this character's ethnic heritage if I don't spell it out for you?)

Oh, and Stevie? The lighthouse radio voice? Some people complained that the structure of the Carpenter original was compromised by the fact that the two central characters never met. But I thought it was quite impressive that the Adrienne Barbeau character, desperate as she was to rescue her son, recognized her duty to stay on the air and try to protect the local population and seafarers. What does it say about the Selma Blair version that she actually abandons her post without a thought?

SO much emphasis on the "hallmark" symbol of the crown, the scale and the number seven. We see it everywhere, and characters are possessed to scribble it themselves. We get it, okay? We know where the items came from, okay?

Crown, scale, seven.
Crown, scale, seven.
Crown, scale, seven.

Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger
Mushroom mushroom
Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger
Mushroom mushroom
Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger
Oh! It's a snake! A snake! Oh, no, it's a snake!

The new ending didn't work very well for me--there's a decent idea behind it, but an old-fashioned ghost story deserves an old-fashioned hook (such as the cross made from stolen treasure).

As a remake, THE FOG is a failed exercise in the "anything you can do, I can do better" school. As an original, it simply proves that nobody believes that today's viewers can settle for an atmospheric ghost story. Gotta have that razzle-dazzle... and it's just out of place here.

[gsfnw]

Without Adrianne Barbau it's not worth watching anyway. Damn I still want that woman!

[King TXL AKA The Juice]

I found the ending confusing.

Actually i didnt even like the movie.

The black guy was the best part dammit.