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Soul Survivors? Not in MY neck of the woods!

Posted: Sun Sep 09, 2001 8:44 pm
by Remo D
After a year's worth of trailers and all sorts of stories about how the R-rated film became a PG-13, we finally get this long delayed release from Artisan. Well, some of us did--maybe some major city folks. Not me.

You know me as the guy who sees "everything." That is, every so-called horror film that hits my area, completist that I am. But do you think I HAVE to see this one even if I DO get the chance?

Did we need yet another film in which somebody survives a traumatic experience, only to be haunted by apparitions afterwards? (I don't count FINAL DESTINATION--they really DID survive, even if they weren't "meant" to.) Is ONE person going to tell me that I'm not looking head-on at an ending that's going to reveal that the apparent survivor was really... gasp... DEAD ALL ALONG??? Can anybody who's seen this thing, even if they try not to spoil it, avoid mentioning either CARNIVAL OF SOULS or JACOB'S LADDER?

Do we really need yet another horror poster image consisting solely of a row of teenaged faces LOOKING at something?

Look--I don't care if they're teenagers or not. I don't care if one of them was in BUFFY or not. I'm not sorry I saw FINAL DESTINATION and I'm not sorry I saw THE FORSAKEN, even if it wasn't perfect. You CAN do good horror even with a "hip" young cast. But this thing?

You tell me. Really, you tell me. If it opens in my town, do you think I should bother? I won't actually review it without seeing it (no, not even this one). But did it do anybody any good when I actually saw I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER and went to the trouble of letting you know it was even worse than I thought it would be? Must I go out of my way to find a "worst of 2001?" Won't VALENTINE suffice?

If my reputation is on the line, say the word and so be it. Otherwise, perhaps I'll spend an afternoon feeding the ducks.


"Nya-nya, nya-nya, nyahh-nyahh... I made you eat your parents!!!" --Cartman

Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2001 1:53 am
by Darth Tanner
You're not the only one didn't open up anywhere close to Richmond for me either. I had high hopes for this one when I first heard about it, but all of these delays coupled with the rating change has changed my mind. Even if this did come to my neck of the woods, I still would have gone to see something else. Hopefully, we will get the R-rated version when it hits video.

Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2001 10:40 am
It opened in the cinema right next to me. I won't even bother. Especially not with Versus,Devil's Backbone,From Hell,Pulse and Ichi the Killer at my local Film Festival. Soul Survivors most likely won't even merit a video rental.

Wherever you go,there you are.

Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2001 7:19 pm
by Griff [Mola]
Remo, I wouldn't bother. I admire your vigilance when it comes to checking out every horror movie that comes along but perhaps its time you started to let a few slip by.

Indeed, before the internet, I use to watch every piece of shit that hit the cinemas and video simply because there was no other voice out there to help point me in the right direction.

But its no longer necessary now. I check out the ones that pique my curiousity for whatever reason. Its a small gamble. And should something elude my attention, hopefully someone, you guys, will bang the gong and get me interested.

Of course this could mean that I've missed out on something that would've appealed to me personally but its a small price to pay for a pretty good hit to miss ratio.

Fuck SOUL SURVIVORS. Life's too short, money's too scarce and there's a stack of vids on the shelf that could do with another viewing to remind you why you like movies in the first place.

Let someone else be the guinea pig.


P.S. Did you know that 'feeding the ducks' is Pommy (resident of England) slang for masturbation? Feed away, big guy. Feed away.

Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2001 7:53 pm
by Remo D
P.S. Did you know that 'feeding the ducks' is Pommy (resident of England) slang for masturbation? Feed away, big guy. Feed away.

Never knew that one--heard of "wrestling the bald-headed champion," but that's about it for cross-the-pond terms...

Speaking of ponds, I actually live near a large pond overflowing with ducks and geese and quite like buying bread and dishing it out to them--but your definition seems just as valid an alternative to seeing SOUL SURVIVORS.

Ah, but now they don't want me to feed the ducks and geese anymore... some protective soul has now posted a sign--a POEM, if you will!

"Please do not feed our feathered friends/Although it is fun to do./Let them be as nature intends/It's best for them and you."

I'm considering posting a rebuttal...

"Stick this poem up your ass/I don't care what you do./These ducks and geese will do just fine/They don't owe shit to you!"

Watch them march across the road in formation, taking their own sweet time, knowing damn well that all the cars have to stop and wait for them.

Listen to me go on and on about them... they've been my neighbors for years and they mean more to me than anyone involved with SOUL SURVIVORS. Thanks for the distraction!

"Nya-nya, nya-nya, nyahh-nyahh... I made you eat your parents!!!" --Cartman