I Know Who Killed Me--thanks, Bruce H.!

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Remo D
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I Know Who Killed Me--thanks, Bruce H.!

Post by Remo D » Sat Aug 04, 2007 3:48 pm

This one I was going to skip. I mean, come on--Lindsay Lohan playing a stripper (who doesn't actually strip) in some sort of "mature role" psycho murder mystery?

I saw THE SIMPSONS MOVIE last week with the rest of the world, and while I enjoyed it, it didn't seem like anything I needed to write about. If you were to ASK me, I'd tell you that it's a lot of fun, and if you like the Simpsons at all, you're sure to laugh it up. On the other hand, you could easily wait for the DVD--it won't be any less funny, and it'll have a ton of extras. But somebody (that somebody being the one and only Bruce Holecheck, who most recently brought me aboard the DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE! DVD project) sent me a message stating that I really ought to check out I KNOW WHO KILLED ME... not only did he think it was "right" for all the wrong reasons, but he specified "I think Remo would like it."

I must confess--I didn't grasp the significance of the recommendation at the time. I figured it would be a pretty bad film. So I asked for details. And I didn't get them. And it was already next to impossible to SEE the film. I'd really have to make the effort if I wanted to know what he was talking about.

So, of course, I did exactly that.

Oh. My. Goodness.

What have we GOT here?

Despite being mutilated via the EXACT modus operandi of our serial killer du jour, Lindsay-as-Dakota insists that she is NOT the missing Lindsay-as-Aubrey, who was unquestionably abducted by that very maniac.

So... is she living in a state of fantasy denial, watching her own life as someone else's movie? That's the hint dropped when Aubrey reads her fiction to her literature class at the beginning...

Is this some weird "Corsican Brothers" thing where one twin gets hurt and the other shows the symptoms? That's what Art Bell suggests during his Internet cameo...

Or is this one of those CARNIVAL OF SOULS/JACOB'S LADDER deals? THAT would explain the trippy dream sequences and the random characters who pop up acting like angels and demons...

Hey--no matter WHAT answer they come up with, the script will have to bend over BACKWARDS to justify it. Somebody hear a snap?

Who was this movie made FOR? Lindsay Lohan's fan base is sure to be put off by the HOSTEL-style torture and gore (yep, it's there), while those who simply wish to see Lindsay-as-stripper won't like it, either--as I suggested above, while all the OTHER dancers at Madame Olga's (oh, okay, it's not really called Madame Olga's, but you've got to see the backstage matriarch to believe her!) participate in the sort of actual nudity one would reasonably expect at a "gentleman's club," Lindsay goes through her club dancing, shower and sex scenes while participating in NONE. Yeah, just like Christina Applegate and Jessica Alba... does it make me a sexist pig or simply a realist when I notice that something just seems awkward and wrong here?*

In the meantime, and almost best of all, director Chris Sivertson apparently thinks he's Mario Bava! It's been quite some time since you've seen such a riot of contrasting blues (for Aubrey) and reds (for Dakota)--the thing is, he's not sure we "get" it, so we get an extreme closeup of flashing police lights (red-blue-red-blue-red-blue), blue roses (are we channeling Tennessee Williams or something?) plenty of actual script references to red and blue... and finally, a red/blue SPLIT SCREEN moment. Hammer, hammer, hammer... but that's not the only thing that made me think of Bava... how about our psychopath (oh, yeah, remember him?) barging around a room filled with prosthetic limbs (why he HAS them, I'm not sure) with a hat and a nylon mask right out of BLOOD AND BLACK LACE?

But for all the reasons I DIDN'T want to see the movie, I completely failed to grasp the point of Bruce's message. "I think REMO would like it." And then it finally hit me! Good grief! DEEP RED and "Hand it to Remo!" The extreme frostbite/amputation of Lindsay's hand! Was THAT it? Nope... the SIGNATURE hand removal is YET TO COME... and yes, Bruce, it was a doozy--and the aftermath is right up there with Udo Kier's antics in FLESH FOR FRANKENSTEIN! It's true... it's damn true... if I'd missed this one on the big screen, I would have been one sorry sad sack. Because I would always have to admit that somebody TRIED to steer me in the right direction, and that I simply refused to listen...

But it didn't happen that way at all! THANK YOU, Bruce H.--just for that, I'm putting you in my Top Friends list for this week at least!

*Did you look here first when you saw the asterisk, or did you keep reading the review? Just thought I'd throw something else in... Rose McGowan's character in GRINDHOUSE does NOT count here... she's a go-go dancer, not a stripper. And yet SHE loses the same leg as Lindsay does! Lindsay, of course, must make do with a traditional prosthetic instead of a machine gun... it's just not quite that kind of movie. Almost, but not quite. And speaking of GRINDHOUSE, I am INCENSED that the Weinsteins decided to release the double feature on two separately-sold DVDs. I don't want DEATH PROOF or PLANET TERROR unless I can have GRINDHOUSE. The way I saw it when I only had to buy ONE ticket for the privilege. If someone wants to SEND me the restored/expanded individual features for review, that's fine. I'll review them happily. But I will NOT buy them.

Here's something to chew on... for all the furor over video piracy, illegal downloads and camcorder bootlegs, what does it say when the legitimate DVD market won't even sell you an approximation of an original theatrical version? It doesn't make piracy "right," but the split-up of GRINDHOUSE is still WRONG.

Remo D.
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Post by Irrylath » Sat Aug 04, 2007 5:16 pm

Remo D wrote:*Did you look here first when you saw the asterisk,


yes :D

how do i find you on myspace? I promise I'm not looking to stalk you or anything. :cool:
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Post by Remo D » Sat Aug 04, 2007 6:22 pm

Irrylath wrote:yes :D

how do i find you on myspace? I promise I'm not looking to stalk you or anything. :cool:


Stalk away... just don't spam me!

I'm at http://www.myspace.com/manorofmayhem any time you like. Yes, I cheat and post my Horrornews reviews as blog entries, but I've got more than that to rant about, and you can hook up with my MANOR castmates and my fellow HHU horror-hosting buddies easily!

Thanks for asking,
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Post by Irrylath » Sat Aug 04, 2007 7:06 pm

thanks! I'm Valerie btw. :)
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Post by hodgy » Sat Aug 04, 2007 8:17 pm

Remo's already my friend on myspace, but I'm still gonna wait for the DVD of I Know who killed me.
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Post by steven_millan » Sun Aug 05, 2007 6:16 pm

What's a flop in the theaters is a hit for all of those local neighborhood illegeal DVD bootleggers(who I'm sure will be peddling cell phone recorded copies of this film down the block[of your 'hood]within the next few weeks).

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Post by Darth Tanner » Fri Sep 07, 2007 6:41 am

Ok Remo, I'm just a bit confused here. Are you saying that you liked the movie? I saw it on opening weekend and found it very hard to follow. I decided to give it a chance since I thought it would be interesting to see Lindsay Lohan in something different for a change. But she was absolutely horrible and the story made no sense whatsoever. I actually started nodding off a few times. The ending also lost me completely. Was there something that I missed or failed to see? Maybe...just maybe... I'll give it another chance on DVD. But this movie didn't really do anything for me.

On a side note...I believe Lindsay certainly has talent and it's sad to see the direction her career and personal life have taken recently (although she DID do it to herself). Hopefully with some hardcore substance abuse treatment and counseling she can get her career back on track and get into more diverse roles. But I can't really blame her too much for I KNOW WHO KILLED ME. It could have been more promising if it had better story and directing.
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Post by Lode » Fri Sep 07, 2007 9:01 am

Darth Tanner wrote:Ok Remo, I'm just a bit confused here. Are you saying that you liked the movie? I saw it on opening weekend and found it very hard to follow. I decided to give it a chance since I thought it would be interesting to see Lindsay Lohan in something different for a change. But she was absolutely horrible and the story made no sense whatsoever. I actually started nodding off a few times. The ending also lost me completely. Was there something that I missed or failed to see? Maybe...just maybe... I'll give it another chance on DVD. But this movie didn't really do anything for me.

On a side note...I believe Lindsay certainly has talent and it's sad to see the direction her career and personal life have taken recently (although she DID do it to herself). Hopefully with some hardcore substance abuse treatment and counseling she can get her career back on track and get into more diverse roles. But I can't really blame her too much for I KNOW WHO KILLED ME. It could have been more promising if it had better story and directing.


I agree with you wholeheartedly on the last paragraph. It is such a shame how much the whole stupid Hollywood party lifestyle has gotten to her. I really hope she can figure it out soon. There's only two ways for her to go - One is to get cleaned up, have a comeback, and play more diverse and adult roles (she's not a teen queen anymore). The other is to overdose and die young like so many others. I really hope it's the former and not the latter, because I actually really do like her a lot.

I already decided I'd wait for this one to come out on DVD, but I do really want to see it and at least give it a chance.

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Post by Griff [Mola] » Fri Sep 07, 2007 10:55 am

re: the GRINDHOUSE debacle. Remo, spare a thought for your foreign brethren who didn't even get to see the original double-bill version, theatrically or otherwise, and indeed won't get to see the stand-alone versions theatrically until months after the DVDs have come out in North America. Wrong indeed.

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Post by Remo D » Sat Sep 08, 2007 10:54 am

'Griff [Mola wrote:]re: the GRINDHOUSE debacle. Remo, spare a thought for your foreign brethren who didn't even get to see the original double-bill version, theatrically or otherwise, and indeed won't get to see the stand-alone versions theatrically until months after the DVDs have come out in North America. Wrong indeed.


Griff... at least YOU got to see THE THREE MOTHERS! But I feel for you, regardless.

And Chuck--I liked I KNOW WHO KILLED ME for all the wrong reasons. As a slice of mind-melting cheese, not as a truly gripping thriller. Mario Bava on acid? On the big screen? It's not a matter of "what's not to like," it's a matter of "will you ever see such a spectacle again?"

But if you'd like me to post the specific story spoilers, say the word...
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Post by DylanDog » Sat Sep 08, 2007 12:20 pm

On the basis of your review alone, I truly wanted to catch this at the drive-in on a double bill with Halloween the other night. But some friends were going to a small theater to see Halloween and it was one of their birthdays so I sort of felt obligated to join the crowd there. So I missed it.... :(
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Post by Darth Tanner » Tue Sep 11, 2007 7:34 pm

Remo D wrote:
And Chuck--I liked I KNOW WHO KILLED ME for all the wrong reasons. As a slice of mind-melting cheese, not as a truly gripping thriller. Mario Bava on acid? On the big screen? It's not a matter of "what's not to like," it's a matter of "will you ever see such a spectacle again?"

But if you'd like me to post the specific story spoilers, say the word...



I guess it can't hurt at this point. The movie has already come and gone and I doubt most people on here would have much interest in it anyhow. So go ahead and fire away. Just be sure to post a spoiler alert for those who are waiting for the DVD:)
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Post by Remo D » Sat Sep 15, 2007 10:05 am

Darth Tanner wrote:I guess it can't hurt at this point. The movie has already come and gone and I doubt most people on here would have much interest in it anyhow. So go ahead and fire away. Just be sure to post a spoiler alert for those who are waiting for the DVD:)


Okay, SPOILER ALERT!

"Good" Lindsay (always photographed wearing and surrounded by blue) is abducted by the local serial killer. We see the masked killer start with the mutilation/amputation of her right hand before things get worse.

Then they find Lindsay on the side of the road, missing a hand and a leg. Serial killer's M.O. confirmed. It's got to be her, right? Except now it's "naughty" Lindsay (always photographed wearing and surrounded by red). She has no memory of ANY of "good" Lindsay's life. Amnesia, right? It still has to be her--DNA confirms it--so she's fixed up with bionic limbs and subjected to intense therapy.

Yeah, well, hey. She keeps acting naughty and she keeps having JACOB'S LADDER-style hallucinations and flashbacks. She's convinced that she's the stripper daughter of a dead crack whore, not an honors student with wealthy suburban parents. The honors student, in fact, is still in the clutches of the serial killer!

Yep, it's the old CORSICAN BROTHERS thing. Lindsay really is twins. She's the twin daughters of a now-deceased crack whore, all right. But wealthy suburban Daddy paid the crack whore for one of her babies to replace his own stillborn daughter (without telling his wife--just like in THE OMEN). But as Art Bell helpfully explains, the twins have a supernatural/symbiotic link. So if good Lindsay gets her hand cut off, then naughty Lindsay's hand is going to drop off, too. And if good Lindsay gets her leg partially amputated, then naughty Lindsay's going to lose the same leg. So naughty Lindsay, literally falling apart at the seams, followed some damn clue or dream advice or something and managed to stumble down the road and crash in the reasonable vicinity of where good Lindsay is still being held.

And you're being asked to buy into this. Enjoy!
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Post by Latte Thunder » Sun Sep 16, 2007 8:04 pm

Art Bell is in that movie??? Sweet!
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