Horrorfest: Eight Films We Couldn't Sell

[Remo D]

You remember... eight films that were "too strong for theatrical release." Offered on the big screen over one special weekend. "See one... or see them all."

Except you're expected to pay full ticket price for each INDIVIDUAL film and watch all eight in one weekend. Sounds fun, but I couldn't do it. And I won't be able to do it for Horrorfest 2 this year, either. Not that I expect to be missing much.

I already told you about THE ABANDONED... that was the one of the bunch that earned a separate theatrical release after the festival. I quite liked that one--and I've seen nothing else to date to convince me that anything else should have been the Horrorfest "winner."

Thanks to On Demand, I'm now going through the rest of them. For free. As they frequently SHOULD be.

Now, THE HAMILTONS isn't bad at all. Some people considered that to be the best of the fest--and indeed, the dysfunctional family members are convincingly creepy, even if the "women in cages" subplot showed up at the wrong time. But it's a camcorder sort of deal that doesn't require the big screen at all. Well acted, nice twist at the end, but hardly "too shocking for theatrical release."

Hey--REINCARNATION! From the director of JU-ON and MAREBITO! This oughta be good, right? Oh, so wrong. More skittering ghosts, more distorted reflections in the mirror, a scary talking doll instead of a meowing boy... I saw nothing new here--just Shimizu parroting himself in a done-to-death subgenre. I kid you not--GRUDGE 2 was scarier... and better.

And I have just now finished watching WICKED LITTLE THINGS. Let me tell you--had I paid so much as a DIME to sit through this, I would have gone through the roof. Someone watched the last episode of KINGDOM HOSPITAL and decided to make his own movie about children cruelly buried in a mine by a heartless developer, their vengeful zombie-ghosts (one of them even named Mary) trapped between two worlds... Good grief, from the moment the fatherless family arrived at their new home, this was absolutely NOTHING but an excruciating series of cliches... and THIS couldn't get a widespread theatrical release? Not only do I know I could do better... I happen to know that I HAVE done better. TWICE. And yet THIS rates Horrorfest status. As for J.S. Cardone? He's done hackneyed, familiar material before, but he used to give it something resembling "zip," at least. This is one of the most inexcusable wastes of film I have ever suffered through. EVER.

Well, that's half of them down. There are three more left for me on demand... THE GRAVEDANCERS, UNREST and PENNY DREADFUL. Why it is that the one I wanted to see the most (DARK RIDE) is NOT included in the lineup is beyond me... I guess I'll have to go rent it.

To be continued.

[DylanDog]

I think I posted about Dark Ride before, but I can't remember. It's ok. Nothing you haven't seen before and the carnival itself is the star. Never mind Dark Ride not being included on OD, but how is the Snoop Dogg film not included in the dvd box set? Wouldn't you think that would be the one that would sell the whole friggin' package?

I just watched Penny Dreadful and thought it was pretty good overall. Watch out though, the fucking intermission interview sort of gives something away. Not a plot twist per se, just something that's a little different from most slasher films.

Strangely, I'd also just watched "Wind Chill" the other day and it's somewhat similar to this movie. Both are about people stranded off the highway in their cars on a cold night and both pay close attention to the clock.

Oh and Gravedancers sucked. I'll try to watch the others, but I'm not sure I can subject myself to Re-Incarnation if it's what you say it is. Ju-On got old for me before the tv series ended and I just can't deal with anymore of that tired crap.

[Remo D]

Well, even though SNOOP DOGG'S HOOD OF HORROR was occasionally screened with the festival, it was NOT part of the "After Dark Horrorfest." That would have made NINE films to die for...

PENNY DREADFUL (the Horrorfest movie, not my horror-hosting super-pal)started off extremely well (and not just by accounting for the quick flash of Michael Berryman we got in the Horrorfest trailer)... great setup of Rachel Miner's vehicular trauma and some excellent work from Mimi Rogers as her "road trip" therapist. But then it reaches a point where you realize we're going to spend the rest of the movie in the car... and when we're NOT in the car, we're just dealing with three extraneous characters who exist just to add some gore and supposedly drag out the suspense, when in reality, they do NOTHING to further the situation. Yep--it would have been a standout MASTERS OF HORROR episode or some such, but it was painfully stretched to feature length. And to paraphrase one of my favorite comedies? "For that ending, you should only drop dead."

I've got to quit using the word "derivative" in reviews, as it accounts for almost literally everything these days. When it comes to THE GRAVEDANCERS, there are some clumsy special effects and edits, but all in all, Mike Mendez (THE CONVENT) hits an agreeable EVIL DEAD/NIGHT OF THE DEMONS vibe. There's fun to be had here (especially in a free on-demand viewing... oh, and there IS a fast-forward option if you don't appreciate Black Betty breaking in with an interview--this doesn't happen on ALL of the titles, but it's annoying enough when it does happen).

The more that UNREST focused on the out-and-out queasiness and fear of coming to terms with dissecting cadavers, the more it worked (I have no idea whether or not the hype of "real" bodies being used is true or not, but I can't really see them as having gone through with that where the "lead" cadaver was concerned--all in all, the effects are excellent and appropriately stomach-turning). But the more it became about an angry Aztec spirit, the less interesting it became... and the finale is as weak as they come. Too bad. (P.S. SPARE me the underwear sex scenes, okay? People don't DO that in real life. You don't want nudity? Then don't do the SCENE, okay? The film would have survived without it!)

As for DARK RIDE, I had to rent it. Nice to see it in widescreen, with no Black Betty and no promos cluttering up the picture. This is the sort of movie that needs it the least. Okay--the story is pure teenkill drivel. And the killer was nothing more than yet another Jason (right down to the mask, even if it wasn't "technically" a hockey mask). But I wanted to see it for the carnival spookhouse environment--I haven't seen a good horror film in that setting since THE FUNHOUSE. And here, it works very well indeed. A zero for originality and a ten for atmosphere score this one a mild recommendation.

And nothing's changed--I still proclaim THE ABANDONED the winner!

Thanks for playing,
Remo D.

[DylanDog]

Ah, sorry 'bout that. I seem to recall it being included around here and didn't really question it beyond that.