The Human Centipede 3: Final Sequence

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Remo D
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The Human Centipede 3: Final Sequence

Post by Remo D » Tue Aug 04, 2015 4:49 pm

So... this one's got about a week left on-demand before it disappears from that outlet and I hadn't even known it had come out in the first place. And the late Osio (which ran the first two films in this series) never even bothered with this one (come to think of it, they never ran the third ATLAS SHRUGGED, either, so there's another gap in my education).

I won't rehash the first two films, but love or hate them, they were nearly equally notorious. So why is this just a blip on the radar? This was supposed to be the sickest of the bunch, right? Well, it exists, so let's deal with it.

As with the second film in the series, the third film declares that what came before was "only a movie." So in "real life," we are now in George W. Bush State Prison (get it?), and the stars of the first two films are playing new characters. Dieter Laser is warden "William Boss," a raving German expatriate who apparently was placed in charge of this institution because lots of people owe him favors, and Laurence R. Harvey gets to talk (quite a lot) as Boss's accountant/toady "Dwight Butler." Simply put, the prison is out of control and all the inmates want a piece of the sadistic warden. So Governor Eric Roberts (you couldn't just swallow your pride and borrow a few bob from Julia? was this REALLY worth it?) gives Boss 30 days to show him amazing results or be fired. Well... Boss's reign of terror and torture doesn't seem to put the fear of God into the inmates (including Tiny Lister), but Dwight keeps trying to show him these HUMAN CENTIPEDE movies to give him ideas... and he even invites director Tom Six to visit the prison and show Boss what could be done with the concept. Former adult film star Bree Olson (yes, the one whose name you heard linked to that of Charlie Sheen) is Boss's much-abused secretary.

So. Tom Six declares this one "100% Politically Incorrect" and tries for out-and-out laughs to go with the sickness this time out. From beginning to end, Laser (shaved bald and decked out in a white cowboy hat) shrieks and bellows his every line as if it will be his last (one can only wish, but there is no relief from this truly painful performance), and Six begs and whines for your attention with every racial/religious/political epithet, every act of misogyny, every rape, every murder, every new way he can find to assault the human body... look at me! Look at me! Look at me! I'm bad! I'm naughty! I'm awful! Aren't you SHOCKED? Aren't you OFFENDED?

And my reaction? Whoop-de-flipping-doo. Uwe Boll wrung more genuine laughs out of such tasteless/transgressive material when he called it POSTAL.

Yes. You read that last sentence correctly.

I'm not sure even I can convey how (in addition to "stupid" and "worthless") utterly BORING this thing is. And now some of you are going to check it out anyway just to see if it can really be as bad as all that. Hey, I often do the same thing. Be my guest. And tell me AAAALLLLLLLL about it.


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Chris Slack
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Re: The Human Centipede 3: Final Sequence

Post by Chris Slack » Sat Aug 15, 2015 12:53 pm

Big disappointment. Dieter's extreme over the top performance wore thin on me quickly.
"Regrettable... I was hoping for a colleague, but at least we have
another experimental subject..." -Mesa of Lost Women

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