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Remo D
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Post by Remo D » Sun Sep 05, 2010 7:49 pm

Welcome back to the GRINDHOUSE!!!

Hopefully, you've all seen the (formerly) faux trailer that preceded Robert Rodriguez's PLANET TERROR to kick off the GRINDHOUSE experience. Well, with the assistance of Ethan Maniquis, Rodriguez has finally gone back and made the film to back it up!

Rodriguez serves up EVERYTHING promised in the trailer (Jeff Fahey, Cheech Marin, and most laudably, a dynamite lead role for Danny Trejo--about time... was his PREDATORS role a joke or something?), along with hilarious-to-stellar support from Steven Seagal, Robert DeNiro, Don Johnson (sorry... "INTRODUCING Don Johnson..."), Michelle Rodriguez, wall-to-wall splatter and ferocious attitude to spare.

And then he had to go and put Jessica Alba in it.

Sorry, folks. She doesn't KILL the film, but it's not through lack of trying. She's the same talentless eye candy that she's always been, and she's especially excruciating this time around. Michelle Rodriguez gives you MORE than enough to look at and has what it takes to back it UP, too, in case you were wondering where I was coming from.

What? Lindsay Lohan? Hell, she's fine. She's a good sport who takes full advantage of her tabloid reputation (and that's before she gets the habit, as it were), and she doesn't even begin to weigh the film down.

The action and the gore? Trust me--had this BEEN the '70s release the GRINDHOUSE trailer hinted at, it would have gotten the "X" it pretended to have. Just how long is the human intestine?

And in the meantime, let's please not start in on the 'immigration' debate in the context of this review. Rodriguez isn't here to play "fair" with MACHETE--he's here to be as inflammatory as possible. How could you make such a film and NOT have the caravan of low riders squaring off against the "good old boys?" This is NOT a film about rational debate--this is a film about rattling cages and splattering the screen from end to end... in that regards, it's damn near perfect.

Except for that Jessica Alba.

PLEASE make the sequels without her.

Thank you.

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Post by IRONDICK » Sun Sep 05, 2010 8:58 pm

Loved the movie from start to finish. JA is a shitty actress and not that hard to look at so I let it slide, but MR is the shit. This is one I will go see again just in case I missed anything the first time.

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Chris Slack
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Post by Chris Slack » Mon Sep 06, 2010 9:17 am

I LOVED this movie, lots of action, gore and laughs. The intestine bit had me crying. Danny Trejo was great in the lead, even more so pulling off the action stuff at the mature age of 66. I've always criticized Alba's lack of acting skills but I think the bad acting worked in this one, it helped to give it a much more authentic grindhouse feeling as most of those films usually had at least one wooden actor in them :)

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Evil Red
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Post by Evil Red » Tue Sep 07, 2010 12:45 am

I loved it and can't wait for the sequels! Machete Kills! and Machete Kills Again! :metal:

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Darth Tanner
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Post by Darth Tanner » Fri Sep 10, 2010 6:44 am

Caught this at a matinee yesterday and enjoyed every minutes of it. MACHETE was everything I hoped to be and more. The cast, action scenes, and splatter were all top-notch. I really didn't have that much of a problem with Jessica Alba (even if she did play her role a little stiff). But I was really surprised by Lindsay Lohan's turn in this movie. Hopefully this will mean the beginning of bigger and better things for her. My only complaint was that I would have liked to have seen more of Tom Savini, but hopefully the sequels will rectify that (assuming they ever get made).

This movie was definitely a lot of fun and I'd highly recommend everybody checking it out.

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