Shanghai Knights

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Remo D
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Shanghai Knights

Post by Remo D » Mon Feb 17, 2003 9:01 pm

Since everyone else is seeing DAREDEVIL, I thought it would be easy to take the wife and daughter to see SHANGHAI KNIGHTS today. And it was.

We've never missed a Jackie Chan film on the big screen--guess why? Because we happen to like the guy. We understand that he's nearly fifty, and that he'll need to resort to a stuntman now and then. We don't hold a movie like THE TUXEDO and its enhanced special effects against him, either? What's the point? Look at how much he's already given--would we rather he finally kill himself trying to top every stunt, every time? Let's just have some fun, now.

And this IS fun--it's even goofier than the first one, but there's still something infectious about it--whether it's Chan or Owen Wilson that brought you to the theatre to begin with. The emphasis is on literary in-jokes this time--the Sherlock Holmes references go on and on... (and the villain's named Rathbone, for crying out loud), and everybody winds up in Whitechapel at one point, cuing a hilarious appearance by... but why spoil it? And that's still not all.

Action aplenty, and no shortage of Jackie Chan-style fight sequences involving ladders, boards, vases, what have you--just no SUPERCOP helicopter dangle or ARMOR OF GOD tree fall... but anyone who liked PROJECT A should still enjoy the clocktower setpiece. As for the pillow fight? I digress.

It's a replay of the first film with a different setting, which should surprise absolutely noone. But if you like Jackie Chan--and don't hold his comparative restraint against him--you'll find this an agreeable way to spend an afternoon.
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Post by Chris Slack » Mon Feb 17, 2003 10:16 pm

I thought it was pretty entertaining, well worth the matinee price I paid. My only gripe is that Donnie Yen was seriously underused. The guy kicks major ass, I just wish American filmmakers would let us see that :)
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Post by Latte Thunder » Tue Feb 18, 2003 6:49 am

Originally posted by Chris
My only gripe is that Donnie Yen was seriously underused. The guy kicks major ass, I just wish American filmmakers would let us see that :)
I'm with you on that, Chris. Since I saw Iron Monkey, he's been a favorite of mine. He never gets the screen time he deserves. He's totally wasted in Blade 2.
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Post by Ciaran » Tue Feb 18, 2003 12:59 pm

I really liked Drunken Master (wasn't there a remake?) even if it was too long.
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Post by Griff [Mola] » Tue Feb 18, 2003 6:26 pm

Yeah, I caught this the other week. Good fun, I say! Oh and the pillow fight was my favourite scene!

The Jackie Chan, Donny Yen fight left a little to be desired. Oh, I wasn't expecting IRON MONKEY meets DRUNKEN MASTER or anything, this a US production with certain constraints afterall, but it did seem a bit too light never the less.

You Donny Yen fans can look forward to HERO. He's steals the fucking show in that (but yet again, isn't given as much screen time as you'd like).

There were three Drunken Master movies that I'm aware of, Umberhulk. DRUNKEN MASTER and DRUNKEN MASTER 2 (aka THE LEGEND OF DRUNKEN MASTER) both featuring Chan, and then DRUNKEN MASTER 3 with some other chump in the lead.


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Post by shawn » Wed Feb 19, 2003 3:10 am

You couldn't get me to sit through this one for all the cocaine in the world...
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Post by Latte Thunder » Wed Feb 19, 2003 6:15 am

Originally posted by Griff [Mola]
You Donny Yen fans can look forward to HERO. He's steals the fucking show in that (but yet again, isn't given as much screen time as you'd like).
Is that the new Jet Li movie? I've sort of been looking forward to that one.

also, Chow Yun Fat in Bulletproof Monk is going to rock!

and Shawn, is it just that your avatar is cropped to fit the forum constraints, or is that girls ass really that big?
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Post by Remo D » Wed Feb 19, 2003 7:51 pm

Okay, Shawn--nobody's going to force you to see it.

But let's suppose... suppose you found yourself sliding uncontrollably down a long, aluminum tunnel.

There's a branch-off coming--and the only thing separating the two pathways is a strand of razor-ribbon.

Somehow, you just know that if you don't choose one of the two pathways, you're going to hit the razor-ribbon... crotch first.

You know that your dick is going to be the first to hit. It will be bisected lengthwise like a submarine sandwich. And one tiny hook on each side will snag each of your balls individually and tear them off in the bargain.

You know that the ribbon will slice through your digestive tract and stomach, spilling acid freely throughout your body. It'll burn like hell, and you'll linger.

You know that the ribbon will carve a path AROUND your heart somehow, denying you an instantaneous death. And it won't cut through your spinal cord or brain, either. No--it will only come to a stop once it cuts through your lower jaw... and lodges directly between your two front teeth, slicing its way up to--but not through--your nose. You will hang by your gums in this position for what seems like an eternity.

There's only one way to avoid this fate--you have to throw yourself fully in the direction of one of the two pathways. And through divine providence, you somehow know that the left passage will lead you to a screening of SHANGHAI KNIGHTS that you will obliged to patronize. The other path leads to similar rules, but the film will be DIVINE SECRETS OF THE YA-YA SISTERHOOD.

Shawn, what do you do now?
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Post by Griff [Mola] » Wed Feb 19, 2003 11:47 pm

That sounds like one of Dario Argento's wet dreams.

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Post by Griff [Mola] » Thu Feb 20, 2003 3:11 pm

Originally posted by Latte Thunder
Is that the new Jet Li movie? I've sort of been looking forward to that one.

also, Chow Yun Fat in Bulletproof Monk is going to rock!


Yeah, Jet Li is the titular, um, protagonist of the movie. Its been getting alot of CTHD comparisons, which isn't really fair and those demanding something along those lines will disappointed.

I dunno, is BULLETPROOF MONK gonna rock? Even though the SHANGHAI movies are fun throwaway entertainment, I'm not too keen on this buddy movie approach to US martial arts movies all because people supposedly can't relate to these crazy china men.

CRADLE 2 THE GRAVE with Li and Mark Dacascos could be interesting but I'm weary of the numerical figure in the title (how fucking lazy can you get? Its a two letter word!) and of the prominence of some guy called DMX who I guess is some hot shot rapper who busted his acting chops by saying his own name whilst keeping a straight face.

It might be too cool for this kid.

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Post by Latte Thunder » Fri Feb 21, 2003 6:03 am

I saw the trailer for Bulletproof Monk yesterday and my enthusiasm for it has waned greatly. It's got the kid who plas Stifler in the American Pie movies as Chow's kung fu fightin' buddy. It's looking pretty awful.

I saw the ad for Cradle 2 The Grave and saw Jet Li, which is always interesting, and then Mark Dacascos, which is even cooler. I'd love to see those two throw down. But then I saw DMX (who is also in Romeo Must Die) and realized that it's just another one of those hip hop action movies that I just cannot get into.

As for Hero, isn't Zang Ziyi also in that? I seem to remember hearing something about that.
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Post by Remo D » Fri Feb 21, 2003 6:54 am

And even more off-topic...

Now that I've seen the trailers for ZU WARRIORS and SHAOLIN SOCCER approximately 100 times apiece--were there plans to actually RELEASE these films in the States? Or were the trailers simply considered special short films?
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Post by shawn » Fri Feb 21, 2003 7:37 am

Jackie Chan just ain't my thing, never has been. I just don't buy into the popular opinion that he is "GOD"... I've seen about 50% of his shit, very little of his US stuff mostly his HK films and in my opinion he plays the same character in every fucking film. It gets old after about the first 400 Hong Kong films, now he is pulling the same shit over here. Rush Hour 3? Give me a fucking break. Doesn't anybody get tired of the stereotyped Chinese guy thats "wiser" than everyone else? And with his martial arts training this 50 year old, 4ft Asian can take out 100 guys armed with machine guns. All the while sporting that stupid goofy Asian smile, just that stupid look on his face like he just stuck his dick in your Won Ton soup... Its not cute, its not funny, its lame. I'm a geek, just not that much of a geek.

Interesting Jackie Chan story (well sort of...)

At a Fangoria (or Chiller Theatre con I can't remember which. ) on the East Coast about 5 or 6 years ago... It was Saturday night after the show and some friends and I went out on the town. Hitting bars in the shittiest parts of town, almost getting our assess kicked a few times... Basically having a bunch of fun. About 4am we finally managed to get back to the hotel. As we walked down the hall to our room we passed by Tom (Video Junkie) Simmon's room. The door is wide open, its Tom, Will Willson and two other poor souls are having a Jackie Chan marathon on a VCR they brought with them. I asked, "what the fuck are you guys doing", someone replied, "Dude, Jackie Chan LETTERBOXED!" ...

Well that pretty much says it all. You are in New York city, a Saturday night in the CITY THAT NEVER SLEEPS, and you are sitting on a bed with a bunch of dudes watching little asian people hop around like monkeys... There is life outside of MOVIES right? There are women out there, there are other interesting and fun things to do in a City like New York other than to be stuck in your Hotel Room. I'm a geek when it comes to movies but there is a limit. And its gotta be something cooler than fucking Jackie Chan...
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Post by shawn » Fri Feb 21, 2003 7:42 am

Latte, the Avatar is a bit cropped, but her ass is still big, you can see that pic and others like it on http://www.rottencotton.com
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Post by Griff [Mola] » Fri Feb 21, 2003 9:13 am

Yeah, Zang Ziyi is in HERO. There's info and trailers for it over at http://www.herothemovie.com . I hear its been nominated for a best foreign film oscar so Mirimax would do good to release it sometime soon.

Speaking of Mirimax withholding the good stuff... I don't know what the fuck they are doing with SHOALIN SOCCER and LEGEND OF ZU.

I downloaded a trailer of theirs for SHAOLIN SOCCER and the terrible dubbing and the innovative employment of the song 'Kung Fu Fighting' (or a version thereof) left me shaking my head. I dunno what they plan to do with it.

As for LEGEND OF ZU, don't lose any sleep over it. Its ultimately an obnoxious movie with gratuitous effects that fails to make a boring story anything but.

I don't know what the hell you're on about, Shawn. People watch Jackie Chan movies to see Jackie Chan. If he tried to change his image (does he still sing?) or take himself too seriously it would be tantamount to Shwarzenegger thinking he had range - and result in over a decade of bad, bad movies.

As for those nerds, that's their problem if they're a bunch of complete shut-ins, not Jackie's. I can see their point, however, there IS something to be said for Chan's movies in widescreen for sure - just that I would've left that for Monday night.

Hell, maybe you're just a Van Damme kinda guy...

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Post by shawn » Fri Feb 21, 2003 12:07 pm

I think you missed my point, I don't think Jackie should change his image. I just don't understand what people find so appealing about his image...why people are still drawn to the theatre by the millions for the same ol' tired ass bullshit... I personally can't stand to hear the fucker speak. The dude at the "All You Can Eat" Chinese place down the street speaks better "Engrish" than Jackie, and he's only been in this country for about a year now. Take some of those millions and get a fucking voice coach.
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I'll watch ANYTHING Chow Yun Fat does over this idiot, Bulletproof Monk looks like lots of fun.
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Post by Griff [Mola] » Fri Feb 21, 2003 2:45 pm

Okay, now I get it. You just don't like Jackie full stop. Not much I could do to change your mind, short of putting him in a pretty frock and his hair up in pig tails - but even that wouldn't improve his diction.

I like his stuff, well, most of it, and I'll take his broken english anyday over the dubbed attrocities I had to endure as a kid. I don't see how anyone could fault his choreography, however, but hey, I'll get over it. Infact, I very recently showed my 18 year old cousin the final fight scene in LEGEND OF DRUNKEN MASTER. Half way through he said it was boring. ...then again, I also showed him MAD MAX 2 and that snot-nosed punk said it was 'weird'. I gave up. He can go back to watching shit for all I care.

What were we talking about?


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