TCM remake... ZERO STARS from our buddy!

[Remo D]

Okay--if you haven't read it already, read this first...

http://www.suntimes.com/output/ebert1/w ... as17f.html

I wasn't especially looking forward to a TEXAS CHAINSAW remake--for the typical reasons you expect... the original still works fine, if you want to show today's audience what that sort of horror is like, just re-release the damn thing, it worked for THE EXORCIST, didn't it, etc. etc.

Not that I would actually SKIP the remake--you know me better than that. And with a recommendation like Ebert's? Gotta see it RIGHT AWAY...

The 70s invasion continues, and despite the involvement of Michael Bay, the makers of the new SAW actually manage to pull off quite a few good moments (and better characters than WRONG TURN, to drag that one out again, as it's the closest thing available for comparison). Besides, having R. Lee Ermey around sure can't hurt.

Yes, a lot of it works, and those COMPLETELY unfamiliar with the original ought to find it pretty darn disturbing. As for those who ARE familiar with it? They make it just different enough (sorta like Savini's NOTLD).

It's not entirely successful, though, and I think I can explain why without major spoilers. The family in the original had an identity that came through their unity as meat processors/slaughterhouse employees. Here, all the slaughterhouse dialogue is gone (want to know where it went? It went to COLD CREEK MANOR, believe it or not!)--the connection is certainly suggested, but it doesn't define the activities of the family nearly as successfully. There's also the matter of the gore--some of it's effective, of course, but if you REALLY want to recreate the effect of the original for a new audience, you need to turn down the soundtrack and turn up the suggestion, rather than rub the viewer's face in blood and severed body parts.

Where the new SAW finally blows it is in the extended climax... comes a point where you and I would expect things to be coming to an end, but instead, we get an extra (and COMPLETELY unnecessary) stalk and chase scene through the meat plant--and yet even more drawn-out business after THAT.

So... it overstays its welcome. But in spite of that, I've got to say that this is certainly better than a TEXAS CHAINSAW remake has any right to be... and while I sided with him on KILL BILL, anything that pisses Ebert off THIS much has to have some claim to value.

See it for Roger-Dodger.

[Griff [Mola]]

Ooh, looks like fat boy got a little offended by this one. If that's not a recommendation...

[stypees back]

Bay can blow me and I agree that it is a travesty remaking a classic like TCM. But for one reason or another I'm still going to give myself a labatomy and see the flick. Adimatdly, I'm just as stupid as the movie gowing audience and the clevery made trailer (similar to the one from the orginal) has peeked my interest. So I'll give it a shot, even though, I hate Bay with a passion.

[bruce h]

I always try to go into films with an open mind, and I'm not especially annoyed by the idea of remakes (I actually think the trailer to the new DAWN OF THE DEAD looks pretty good).

However, I do get a bit bored by lack of talent, vision and integrity. THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (2003) is one of the most wrong-headed, horribly assembled messes I've ever witnessed. It seems to be directed by someone who's never even seen the original, but has heard it's a "classic," and "filled with gore," with "grainy, murky photography."

Instead of a harrowing, intense film we end up with a muddled, cliched wreck. At least, I think that's what we ended up with. It was hard to tell with all the pointless extreme close-ups and more pointless frantic, music-video editing.

And what's wrong with making a film in color?

Avoid at all costs.

[shawn]

Well, I went in with my arms folded, expecting to hate it. I hate to say it but it was really fucking cool. I don't know what the fuck Bruce is talking about. It was intense, nasty, vile, meaner than shit and pretty goddamn gory. Now don't get me wrong, it is far from the work of art the original is. But this was a good time at the movies. If you want to see a fun horror film, with some pretty intense nasty shit going down and some cool gore thrown in, this one is your ticket. I liked it as much as Cabin Fever...

[Kimberly]

There were some things I really liked about this movie... and some things I really didn't like about this movie... Did I hate it? No... did I love it? No... would I see it again? Sure...

[Darth Tanner]

I was expecting this one to be a disappointment, but to my surprise I actually found it to be pretty decent. It definitely won't take the place of the original but that's still no reason not to see it. As Remo said, that extended climax was really frustrating and could've been trimmed down some. I would have to say that the best thing about this one though was R. Lee Ermey. His performance was brilliant and I hope that they bring him back if they ever plan a sequel. All in all, definitely one of the better films I had seen in awhile. Be sure and check it out.

[Griff [Mola]]

The release of this finally trickled down here and I dragged my arse to see it.

I'm with Bruce on this one, people. Its pretty damn weak. Forget the whole remake thing - its a very silly movie on its own terms. The absurdity of events and actions was so severe and frequent, I almost feel compelled to make a list.

Basically, this is the movie version of THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE that has existed in naive minds for years and was quite possibly reworked from a rejected script for SCARY MOVIE 3, so obvious is its ploys.

Damn.