1) There will always be parking in front of where you're going. This includes raves. People will park miles back so that you can have a spot real close.
2) Orcas live in the same pods as their mates.
3) If Rattled and Rattlers are taken, a good name for a movie about killer rattlesnakes is Silent Predators.
4) If you're bitten by a werewolf, you'll more than likely turn into a wolfman.
5) A kung fu musical about Jesus Christ fighting vampires only looks good on paper.
6) It's okay to make a crappy movie, as long as it's in Thai. People will defend it to the hilt, then.
7) John Carradine never should've been cast in anything.
8) If people start dying, the best thing to do is split up.
9) Some people work on movies only on weekends for years and end up with something great, like Bad Taste. But that shouldn't automatically inspire you to keep at it, because look at Carnivore.
10) A crocodile death roll can last several minutes.
11) If you're going to put on a mask and kill people, make sure the outfit you're wearing will match up with what people will dream about you wearing.
12) Flashlights make the best weapon.
13) Yes, there is someone with less presence than Kane Hodder.
14) Asians have trouble naming things.
15) The human body can survive huge amounts of pain and torture...as long as the person's evil.
16) Don't run from a killer. You will trip.
17) Bugs' exoskeletons really CAN withstand being that size.
18) The best way to battle the Loch Ness Monster is to dress like William Wallace.
19) Teenagers often look really, really old.
20) CGI almost invariably sucks.
Things Horror Movies Have Taught Me
Things Horror Movies Have Taught Me
[color=Yellow]11/26/65 - 3/9/05[/color]
[b]i miss nme666 and i approve this message.[/b]
[b]i miss nme666 and i approve this message.[/b]
You forgot, if you are a hot blonde, the thing to do after dicovering you friends mutilated corpses is....TAKE A LONG SHOWER!
The only "investment" with a guaranteed high rate of return is EDUCATION. Go rent a cheap shack and get your asses back to college or trade school. Don't come out until you're not stupid anymore~ Pat the Wise!
7) John Carradine never should've been cast in anything.
I'm with you on plenty, but not on this one--when you've appeared in 500 films, there can be no doubt that many of them are going to be lousy. But the man was cast in 500 films because he was a fine actor with some excellent roles to his credit.
Two for a start: Dracula (not the Billy the Kid movie) and Bluebeard.
And towards the end of his career, there was still THE HOWLING, to name a good example. "You can't tame what's meant to be wild, Doc--it ain't natural!"
Good list, nonetheless.
My dog's breath smells like peanut butter...
...and I don't even have a dog!
...and I don't even have a dog!
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Latte Thunder
- Posts: 1240
- Joined: Sun Jul 16, 2000 10:00 pm
- Location: In ur base, killin ur doods
- Contact:
If you're going camping in upstate, New York, it's a good idea to get your ignition fixed or buy a new car.
There's an art to starting a chainsaw. Learn it.
There's a serial killer on the loose. Maybe throwing that party isn't such a good idea.
Do not pick on anyone in high school because they'll come back ten years later and fucking kill you.
Smoking pot will only get you killed in a really ironic way.
Hide all you want, those zombies will get in somehow.
Dick Miller is awesome.
There's an art to starting a chainsaw. Learn it.
There's a serial killer on the loose. Maybe throwing that party isn't such a good idea.
Do not pick on anyone in high school because they'll come back ten years later and fucking kill you.
Smoking pot will only get you killed in a really ironic way.
Hide all you want, those zombies will get in somehow.
Dick Miller is awesome.
Originally posted by Remo D
I'm with you on plenty, but not on this one--when you've appeared in 500 films, there can be no doubt that many of them are going to be lousy.
I know I'm a bit of a pariah on this one, but after seeing him suck in so many movies, I can NOT STAND THE SIGHT OF HIM. From The Howling to his Al Adamson stuff. Fuck, I couldn't stomach him in The Court Jester when recently re-watching that, and he was playing a pompous ass of an actor, so he should've been perfect.
Caradine is my absolute least favorite actor ever.
[color=Yellow]11/26/65 - 3/9/05[/color]
[b]i miss nme666 and i approve this message.[/b]
[b]i miss nme666 and i approve this message.[/b]
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Griff [Mola]
- Posts: 626
- Joined: Mon Oct 18, 1999 10:00 pm
- Location: Perth, Australia.
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Latte Thunder
- Posts: 1240
- Joined: Sun Jul 16, 2000 10:00 pm
- Location: In ur base, killin ur doods
- Contact:
It's dark. Everyone is dead. Who else would it be making those noises in the bushes?
Not all zombies crave brains.
Michael Meyers has mastered the warping of space. No matter how fast you run, he walks and is always right behind you.
Rednecks always want to a> rape you b> kill you c> eat you.
If you're killed in Italy, expect your death to be acompanied by a searing synth score.
Killers in Italy always wear black gloves.
Lena Romay is fucking hot.
Jess Franco cannot be stopped.
Not all zombies crave brains.
Michael Meyers has mastered the warping of space. No matter how fast you run, he walks and is always right behind you.
Rednecks always want to a> rape you b> kill you c> eat you.
If you're killed in Italy, expect your death to be acompanied by a searing synth score.
Killers in Italy always wear black gloves.
Lena Romay is fucking hot.
Jess Franco cannot be stopped.
It's okay to make a crappy movie, as long as it's in Thai. People will defend it to the hilt, then.
I've trashed plenty of foreign films. But yes, pinko PC minded cineastes are a little too forgiving with Asian cinema. It's not politically correct to criticize a country's emerging cinema. Fuck you, I say. Shit's stink I always apparent whatever language you translate it into.
"I don't want to be called an "artist." "Acting like an "artist" is synonymous to acting like an asshole."
Asia Argento
Asia Argento
