Blade Trinity

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Remo D
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Blade Trinity

Post by Remo D » Thu Dec 09, 2004 10:14 pm

It doesn't matter if it wasn't on the level of a pure classic--it established the characters and the framework more than admirably and delivered the goods with style to spare.

Oh, wait. That was the first one.

A marked improvement--it added poetry and depth of character to the concept--remaining faithful to the director's established themes without sacrificing one whit of the fantastic action we've come to expect. One of the best films of the year.

Oh, wait. That was the second one.

If this is all they could come up with, I wish, I wish with all my might that they hadn't even bothered.

Hey! NOW we've got the right movie!

BLADE TRINITY is sad. Simply SAD. This is the sort of movie that thinks that we're all so in love with the character in the first place that all we need is for the rap/hip-hop/wocka-wocka soundtrack to kick in at a huge volume; for the KA-SHIIIINNNGGG! sound effect to slice across as Blade sheathes his sword; and to see Blade take the "ready for action" pose. Oh, yeah. We're for it now! We're cheering the roof off because BLADE is gonna kick some ASS!

Horseshit. We have a right to care about the story, too.

You know, when middling-to-low standards are set by movies like RESIDENT EVIL and ANACONDA, I'm perfectly willing to go along for the ride when a sequel comes along that plays the same notes but manages to be mildly entertaining. I'll even give BOA VS. PYTHON the nod as the best guilty video pleasure of the year.

But when you get a buildup like the first two BLADE movies (especially the second one), you ought to expect something more than mindless thrills. That's why I'm less than forgiving with movies like ALIEN VS. PREDATOR and now BLADE TRINITY.

Screw Whistler. He's an old man. Let's not spend too much time with the father/son relationship and the emotions involved there. Hell, they meant NOTHING to the first two films, right? Let's get some new people--some YOUNG people involved to team up with Blade. Let's invoke the most famous vampire name in history--tell us that all the Dracula movies were bullshit and then give us more bullshit (even though Dominic Purcell cuts a fine presence as the original vampire, one realizes by the end of this thing that there was no point whatsoever in trying to invoke the name of Dracula).

Ooh! Let's cast Ryan Reynolds as a SMARTASS! Let's let virtually every one of his lines be cute and clever and insulting! Let's let the young people LOVE this guy while experienced veterans will scream for his head to be bashed repeatedly into a slab of concrete!

Ooh! Let's cast Triple H as one of the vampire heavies! Hey--it worked for the Rock when he became the Scorpion King, right? Oh, but we can't make him TOO threatening... I know it! Let's undercut EACH and EVERY attempt he makes to be menacing with another RYAN REYNOLDS WISECRACK!!! (Good grief, I don't care if you're a wrestling fan or not, but this is NO way to make a movie debut!)

Okay--we've got Jessica Biel (who certainly isn't bad at all here--it's not her part that her role is as cliched as everyone else's)... we've got indie queen Parker Posey (hey, let's give her fangs on a part of the anatomy we generally don't get to see in mainstream films... and even better, let's proceed to do absolutely NOTHING with the concept!)... we've got good old Wesley Snipes doing his best... we've got The RZA on the soundtrack... we've got it ALL! Who the HELL needs anything resembling a compelling STORY??? Let's just do UNDERWORLD with the ultraviolet light bullets again! Let's invoke the original Oz stories but not actually DO anything with them! (Nome King, my ASS.) Let's let approximately one hundred vampires explode into ashes! As long as we keep repeating THAT effect, we're entertaining the HELL out of you!

I swear to heaven... there was so much WOCKA-WOCKA-WOCKA on the soundtrack that I decided I was going to rename the movie PAC-MAN. And whaddya know... and again I SWEAR that I didn't know this ahead of time... the name "Pac-Man" was given to a vampire DOG in the movie! Oh yes... it's got vampire dogs... and they throw THAT concept out the window, TOO!

My friends, "bad" isn't the word here. The word is SAD. So very SAD--especially since they managed to cut a trailer together that showed a hell of a lot of promise. I was looking forward to this--truly. I wasn't expecting to hate it a bit.

But I did.

Sad.
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Post by Kimberly » Fri Dec 10, 2004 12:33 am

Yeah, I'm definately staying away from this one...

The only wrestling person's film that I'm looking foward to seeing the the freak show home made porn done with Chyna and the 1-2-3 Kid... Oops! I mean X-Pac...

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Post by shawn » Fri Dec 10, 2004 7:47 am

Blade 3 was the biggest train wreck I've ever seen. I always absolutely loved Blade 2 but after seeing this atrocious self-parody, Blade 2 is looking more and more like a masterpiece. It really drives home what Del Toro did with part 2. He is a genius.

Goyer couldn't direct his way out of a runny colostomy bag, the action scenes in this garbage were BORING, choppy and limper than my 90 year old grandfather. And he has no idea how to shoot them and make them exciting or even interesting for that matter. Half the time its hard to tell what the FUCK is going on... Watch the action in the beginning of Blade 2 and see how its done Goyer. Actually watch the entire movie and see how its done, he has no idea what made Blade 2 work. The action scenes in Blade Trinity feel like something out of Walker Texas Ranger. Just lame and oh so weak. Just because you write this crap doesn't mean you know how to shoot it Goyer! Get your A-S-S backing in the writing chair and stay there please (and he really isn't that good at writing anyway)... Nothing in this movie works. Everything is half assed and half finished. Goyer has NO STYLE as a director NONE. Its really sad.

The only thing Goyer should be directing are Brittany Spears videos. What D-I-C-K at New Line to let this punchy direct? Bring me their fucking head! I've seen shot on video porn with more atmosphere. And at least with the porn you can jerk off. Nothing to jerk off to in Blade Trinity thats fo' damn sho...

I'm finding it hard to believe that anyone is defending this mess. Read some posts over at the Dread Central message board. Some people actually liked this movie. sad. They are feeding us S-H-I-T people and you are eating it up... Have some respect. Don't buy this garbage or next year Jessica Biel and Van Wilder will be back to shovel more crap down your throats..

Thanks for fucking up the series New Line
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Post by mickey brown-eye » Fri Dec 10, 2004 12:32 pm

shawn wrote:Blade 3 was the biggest train wreck I've ever seen. I always absolutely loved Blade 2 but after seeing this atrocious self-parody, Blade 2 is looking more and more like a masterpiece. It really drives home what Del Toro did with part 2. He is a genius.

Goyer couldn't direct his way out of a runny colostomy bag, the action scenes in this garbage were BORING, choppy and limper than my 90 year old grandfather. And he has no idea how to shoot them and make them exciting or even interesting for that matter. Half the time its hard to tell what the FUCK is going on... Watch the action in the beginning of Blade 2 and see how its done Goyer. Actually watch the entire movie and see how its done, he has no idea what made Blade 2 work. The action scenes in Blade Trinity feel like something out of Walker Texas Ranger. Just lame and oh so weak. Just because you write this crap doesn't mean you know how to shoot it Goyer! Get your A-S-S backing in the writing chair and stay there please (and he really isn't that good at writing anyway)... Nothing in this movie works. Everything is half assed and half finished. Goyer has NO STYLE as a director NONE. Its really sad.

The only thing Goyer should be directing are Brittany Spears videos. What D-I-C-K at New Line to let this punchy direct? Bring me their fucking head! I've seen shot on video porn with more atmosphere. And at least with the porn you can jerk off. Nothing to jerk off to in Blade Trinity thats fo' damn sho...

I'm finding it hard to believe that anyone is defending this mess. Read some posts over at the Dread Central message board. Some people actually liked this movie. sad. They are feeding us S-H-I-T people and you are eating it up... Have some respect. Don't buy this garbage or next year Jessica Biel and Van Wilder will be back to shovel more crap down your throats..

Thanks for fucking up the series New Line

I haven't even seen it but when I heard that Goyer was directing it also, I figured exactly what you all are saying now.
I am sorry I was right. I love the first 2. I think I will still catch the matinee of this one just for closure.
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Post by {DeAdGuY} » Fri Dec 10, 2004 2:27 pm

I think the three Blade movies absolutely excellent...........

FOR ME TO POOP ON ! ! !

ImageHa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.


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Post by AllocesThroat » Fri Dec 10, 2004 10:52 pm

give me a break! Blade is the worst thing that has happened to horror movies, the bloody movie isnt even good, as well as scary! Wesley Snipes was good maybe in New Jack City, but to take on the role of a vampire is just wrong, it should of stopped at Blacula!
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Post by Latte Thunder » Sat Dec 11, 2004 6:18 am

Damn, I love the first two. I was really hoping that this one would turn out.
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Post by shawn » Sat Dec 11, 2004 7:44 am

AllocesThroat wrote:give me a break! Blade is the worst thing that has happened to horror movies, the bloody movie isnt even good, as well as scary! Wesley Snipes was good maybe in New Jack City, but to take on the role of a vampire is just wrong, it should of stopped at Blacula!


You are a mutherfucking idiot.

Now this is scary:

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Post by AllocesThroat » Sat Dec 11, 2004 1:15 pm

haha, good one! Indeed, more scary then that dirty ****** on Blade! You must be a sorry ****** as well, Discuss REAL Horror movies on here you twat!
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Post by shawn » Sat Dec 11, 2004 1:30 pm

AllocesThroat wrote:haha, good one! Indeed, more scary then that dirty ****** on Blade! You must be a sorry ****** as well, Discuss REAL Horror movies on here you twat!


Rock on you cheesy black metal white N-i-g-g-e-r. :metal:

Why would anyone listen to someone that dresses like a mime on crack? Go eat a dick nazi.
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Post by Chris Slack » Sat Dec 11, 2004 8:21 pm

I should have listened to you guys. I thought the first one was pretty good, the second one was GREAT but "Trinity" was TOTAL dog shit...
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Post by Latte Thunder » Sun Dec 12, 2004 6:44 am

shawn wrote:Rock on you cheesy black metal white N-i-g-g-e-r. :metal:

Why would anyone listen to someone that dresses like a mime on crack? Go eat a dick nazi.
This ought to be awesome. It's been a while since Shawn's had anyone to open up a can on.
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Post by AllocesThroat » Mon Dec 13, 2004 11:47 am

Here you go, Shawn
Horrornews is a discussion forum for true horror fans to discuss the more obscure areas of the horror/cult/exploitation film genre. This is NOT a place to discuss teen horror.

What does Blade have to do with cult horror movies? Blade is a new age peice of shit, and you get angry because of my opinion? You are weak minded, and the best you can do is post old pictures on here? Give me a break! NO TEEN HORROR! THAT IS WHAT BLADE IS! And you say I'm on crack? You are the one watching the movie with the black guy in it,and as we all know, black=crack
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Post by mickey brown-eye » Mon Dec 13, 2004 12:29 pm

Blade is a low budget film based off a comic book. It being comic book related,it is going to have a core audience that will respect the movie(s)and find it relevant well beyond your everyday "joe" movie goer (Which unfortunately the newest one seemed pointed straight at). I think 10 years down the road the Blade movies could be considered cult classics. Trinity was bad. But it still beats the matrix sequels, Resident evil :apocolypse, ghostbusters 2 and Star wars episode 1 hands down. At least there was some entertainment value to it.
*sarcasm alert* They should have elaborated on the story between "Drake" and blade, and how "Drake" wanted some hot jungle love from the big black stud in all the leather. That was the gayest fucking dracula in the world. Where did they get his wardrobe? International male. I really though Blade was going to get cornholed by this guy at some point in the movie.
Oh, and the scene where tripple H was fighting the little smart-ass guy. That was sooooooooo classy how they used a bunch of wrestling moves for that scene. You know, cause tripple H is a wrestler. Pretty clever.
How about how they just said fuck it and all of a sudden vampires and humans can fight 1 on 1. Maybe it's my imagination but I thought vampires had super human strenght.
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Post by Latte Thunder » Mon Dec 13, 2004 2:33 pm

AllocesThroat wrote:Here you go, Shawn
Horrornews is a discussion forum for true horror fans to discuss the more obscure areas of the horror/cult/exploitation film genre. This is NOT a place to discuss teen horror.

What does Blade have to do with cult horror movies?
A friendly note on how we do things around here.

Remo is our resident reviewer. He sees them all and promptly reports back with his opinions which are always welcomed here with open arms. Everything relevant to Horrornews is posted here, even if it isn't deep underground. To be frank, this forum has been around since the middle of the 90's and most every piece of specialized genre flick has been discussed into the dirt. Horrornews' scope has focused to the point where we keep up with everything horror related in this forum. Everything else goes into the Beaten Track.

In case you haven't noticed, horror is the most discussed genre here, but we also get away with other genres like kung fu and action. The old "teen horror " byline for the forum was added to the rotation back when Scream had every horror-related forum packed to the gills with threads related to how hot Matthew Lillard and Skeet Ulrich are and how Nightmare on Elm St. was the greatest horror movie ever. Since then, that policy has been relaxed considerably and a good deal of discussion has gone down about Jason X and Freddy vs. Jason.

Next, a fair warning. Getting into it with Shawn just isn't a good idea. You just might find yourself in the Abyss hall of fame alongside names like Flesh Cutter and Gore Met... and you really don't want that.
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Post by {DeAdGuY} » Mon Dec 13, 2004 2:40 pm

AllocesThroat wrote: I'm on crack. You are the one watching the movie with the black guy in it,and as we all know, black=crack

Shawn was right you are a fucking idiot.

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Post by Kimberly » Mon Dec 13, 2004 3:00 pm

Let's not forget to mention one of my "cult" favs starring in the first Blade movie... Udo!!

I think the part I like best of this nimrod's post is him telling Shawn what's discussed here...

Come on Shawn... get with it /sarcasm

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Post by AllocesThroat » Tue Dec 14, 2004 12:18 pm

*Acknowledges LAtte Thunder and his message*
and i wont get into it with that Shawn character anymore I Guess, I dont like wasting my time with small minded people
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Post by MaggotExistence » Tue Dec 14, 2004 2:05 pm

I cant believe you all had high hopes for this movie. ITS WESLEY SNIPES hahahahahha gimme a break ... you thought he was gonna be good!? REDICULOUS. Anyway i was on 3 beers and a bunch of weed and this movie was comedy gold...so many cheesy scenes to laugh at...did anyone else find it funny that while Blade was preparing for battle that chick was downloading songs LOL that is comedy! Still it makes me laugh to think about. But its funnier that anyone had high hopes for this one. WHy is this in the horror news forum when WESLEY SNIPES is in it. That name immediately declares the word "mainstream".
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Post by shawn » Tue Dec 14, 2004 5:08 pm

MaggotExistence wrote:I cant believe you all had high hopes for this movie. ITS WESLEY SNIPES hahahahahha gimme a break ... you thought he was gonna be good!? REDICULOUS. Anyway i was on 3 beers and a bunch of weed and this movie was comedy gold...so many cheesy scenes to laugh at...did anyone else find it funny that while Blade was preparing for battle that chick was downloading songs LOL that is comedy! Still it makes me laugh to think about. But its funnier that anyone had high hopes for this one. WHy is this in the horror news forum when WESLEY SNIPES is in it. That name immediately declares the word "mainstream".


Don't like it don't post here.

And what the fuck are you complaining about? You went to see the fucking thing, and you are talking about it here... And for your information Del Toro is one of the best things to happen to modern day horror. He did an amazing job with Blade 2. It truly is a violent, bloody, action packed masterpiece of mainstream horror. Yes it is mainstream. But it is also cool and stands way above 99% of the shit out there.

But then again the original Dawn Of The Dead was mainstream and played in multiplexes all over the world when it opened. But its okay to post about Dawn Of The Dead? You are so cutting edge and cool with all your 3 beers and bunch of weed...

When Blade 2 opened we all posted here about it because we were surprised that a mainstream horror film could be that fucking good. And we are posting about Trinity because they fucked up and ruined the series... You don't know shit about shit.

AllocesThroat, (FatDickDownYourThroat is more like it...) Whats wrong dear? Did some big black guy beat your ass and steal your lunch money, now you hate blacks? You HATE what you FEAR. Plain and simple. Or maybe your welfare momma abandon you and your impotent daddy for some big Lipton Tea, pipe-hittin' negro with a big black dick... Trust me mutherfucker I'm born and raised in Oakland California, I'm not scared of blacks and I've been to areas of Oakland that would make you shit yourself. What really scares me are stupid ignorant fucking white boys like yourself. Keep livin' asshole one day you'll grow the fuck up unless some brother pops a cap in your ass...
PS: you are clueless shit-dick.
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Post by AllocesThroat » Wed Dec 15, 2004 2:51 pm

LMAO, wow, you are so weak, but then again your so tough you can talk shit on forums! WAy to go big guy!
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Post by shawn » Wed Dec 15, 2004 3:02 pm

AllocesThroat wrote:LMAO, wow, you are so weak, but then again your so tough you can talk shit on forums! WAy to go big guy!


Thats the best you can do? Racist pussy mutherfucker.
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Post by AllocesThroat » Wed Dec 15, 2004 3:12 pm

lmao. nice avatar, it explains alot
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Post by shawn » Wed Dec 15, 2004 3:41 pm

What exactly does it explain dick snot?
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Post by Chris Slack » Wed Dec 15, 2004 10:57 pm

AllocesThroat - Dude you have to expect to get some serious shit when you, as a newbie, jump on a forum that's been around for nearly 10 years and start slamming the opinions of people who have been around since the beginning. Latte Thunder summed it all up pretty well in his post earlier. If people I know to be serious long-time horror fans want to post on mainstream horror her so be it. People like Shawn and myself (and Latte and Robert and Kimberly and Remo and so on) have been into the horror underground for a long time so we have that fucking right. Do you rememember back in the day when the only way to see uncut Fulci and Argento flicks was the videotape trading scene? I thought not, your mom was probably still helping you wipe your ass then...
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