Alone in the Dark . . . bad, real bad

[Scott]

I don't know how I did it, but I managed to stomach sitting through Uwe Boll's newest garbage. I went into the film, thinking that it would be bad, but surely Boll learned something from the House of the Dead debacle. I was dead wrong. All I can say about the film is, we have a leading candidate for worst movie of the year, in any genre. How bad was it? Let's just say AITD makes Jaws: The Revenge look good (that's saying something) and makes AVP look like Oscar material.

As for Uwe Boll, I stated in earlier thread that I think he will one day rank alongside Ed Wood as the worst director in movie history. The scary thing is, he has no idea. At the test screening of AITD, the reaction was reportedly so bad that producers ran around the theatre just trying to get someone to give them an average review. Think about it. An average, not a good review. Now here's the scary part. In an interview, Boll totally denied the audience hated the film. In fact he talked about how great the audience thought it was. The guy's in denial. As for his critics, Boll claims that they no nothing whatsoever about movie making and he claims to be an expert. I call this BOLLSHIT. Boll claims to be passionate about video games, and I believe him. However, that doesn't mean he's a good director. If he was smart (doubt that), he would buy the rights to the video games like he's done and stopped there. Then bring in an experienced director who knows what they're doing.

I'm gonna make one more prediction. There's no chance in hell either AITD or Bloodrayne will make their budgets back and hopefully that means Boll will be banished to direct-to-video for good. OK, I've ranted long enough.

[MuC]

How bad was it? Let's just say AITD makes Jaws: The Revenge look good (that's saying something)

indeed that is...i just watched that the other night on AMC...it had been a while...i had forgotten just how bad it really was...

[MattV]

was jaws: the revenge the one with Dennis Quade?

[Scott]

You're thinking of Jaws 3 with Dennis Quaid. Jaws: The Revenge starred Lance Guest and Michael Caine.

[MattV]

oh ok now I know which one..lol jaws III was pretty lame too though,

[Kimberly]

Jaws 3 is hellafun to watch! Maybe it's because it always gives me memories of going to see it in the theater...

Jaws 4 is so bad it's good... the shark following her?! Oh God I can't help but watch it whenever it's on...

As for Alone in the Dark... all I'm going to say is how dare some of you goof on me for going to see Elektra!! Alone is made by the man who gave us one of the worst movies EVER... throw in the fact that it has Tara Reid playing a SCIENTIST!!! Come on now... those two clues right there should of told ya how horrible this is going to be...

Now it is I who will laugh... MUHAWHAWHAWHAW

[ROBERT]

Uwe Boll is quickly becoming the Ed wood of the 21st century. Without the charm of course. House Of The Dead is a Bong smoking classic. Meaning all the production staff must have been on the bong while making it. It's such an outright mess, and so fucking crap it makes many shitty zero budget SOV films look good. Based on the net reviews, Alone In The Dark is more of the same. Watch it become successful on domestic home video and overseas. House Of The dead was. Somehow, I suspect we won't see the last of Uwe Boll.

[Scott]

Alone in the Dark failed to crack even the top 20 this weekend. The film's already a disaster as it's not even going to come close to breaking even with its $20 million budget. I predict that if BloodRayne is equally bad, Boll will lose the financing on any future projects and will likely be relegated to direct-to-video. It's just a matter of time.

I am rather curious to see what explanation Boll gives for this debacle.

[Remo D]

Are we talking about the same film here? I thought ALONE IN THE DARK was absolutely terrific. It's not just the lunatics (excuse me--"voyagers") that were crazy--everywhere you looked you saw the insanity (the looters, the protesters and yes, even the doctors!).

How could you NOT love Jack Palance? "DR. POTTER!!! Happy... trails..."

How could you NOT love Martin Landau? "I want that hat!"

Oh, man, you've got Donald Pleasence! You've got the big guy from STIR CRAZY! You've got that wonderful nightmare in the opening scene, the woman who's afraid she's going to turn into porcelain, the Jason mask cameo and a zinger of a surprise waiting for you.

I've always loved ALONE IN THE DARK, and you make me want to watch it again really soon.

What's that? We're NOT talking about the same film? Oh, hell, you mean the Tidy-Bowl Man's movie?

Screw that.

Oh, all right, you know me. Yeah, I saw it. And I think that it's a riot that NOW all the critics are falling all over themselves trying to identify Bowl as the new Ed Wood. (Best review: Peter Hartlaub's in the S.F. Chronicle.) Guess they were all asleep at the switch the FIRST time around--and who could blame them?

Sorry--too late. You can't make lightning strike twice with such a depth of bad filmmaking. This ALONE IN THE DARK? It has one or two competent moments, making it "better" than HOUSE OF THE DEAD. It never hits the delirium level even the masochists are looking for (though the horrendously miscast Tara Reid is good for a twitch or two--and it's nice to see that she and Christian Slater can fuck without taking their pants off).

Yeah, you got the non-stop wocka-wocka "siege" again, but at least Bowl has apparently learned his lesson about cutting in footage from the video game itself this time around. Another "plus" that isn't enough. A couple of "okay" performances, I guess. A couple of "okay" gore effects.

But here's the real problem--they apparently shot their entire wad building UP to this apocalyptic finale where this fateful "gate" is about to be opened. Then somebody apparently said "Okay, we're done." If watch you must, let me know what you think about how NOTHING really happens... how you think that the REAL climax is about to start... except that it DOESN'T?

Nope--it's neither good enough for your attention nor the right kind of "bad." ALONE IN THE DARK is simply a "thud" and there's really nothing more for me to say about it.

[DylanDog]

I haven't seen this, nor am I likely to any time soon (though part of me keeps screaming to break down and see House of the Dead just to see for myself), but I would like to thank Remo for reminding me of the "other" Alone In The Dark, which I'd forgotten about. Odd too, because my answering machine used to be a quote from it, Landau saying..."Vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord......." followed by about the most sinister, maniacal laughter ever. Classic. I have fond memories of THAT movie, which I guess you could call a "sleeper". A good one, not often talked about.

[Gorified]

hehe....I actually thought House of the Dead was a little better than average. Although I can stomach a lot of movies that most people wouldnt even sit through. I was pretty amused by Demonia but, most people I talk to hated it. The main 2 things I liked about HOTD was Clint Howard and the gore. Those are the same two reasons I like Evilspeak!