textsfromlastnight.com

Anything that doesn't fit into the subject of other forums goes here. Guns, drugs, religion, politics whatever. No flames!

Moderator: Chris Slack

User avatar
Blake NWR
Posts: 2875
Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2004 6:15 pm
Location: Eugene, OR
Contact:

textsfromlastnight.com

Post by Blake NWR » Sun Jun 21, 2009 6:47 pm

No idea if anyone's posted about this yet, but hooolyyyy SHIT this site is hilarious. People share texts they received (with area codes in parentheses). A few choice quotes follow:
(502): The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
(309): nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
(402): Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
(805): My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
(504): My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
(954): you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
(540): she says it's "been amazing lately"
(540): i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera...

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com
[url=http://www.myspace.com/theswampzombiecult]Join the cult...[/url]


User avatar
Jonathan
Posts: 15257
Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2001 10:00 pm
Location: Seattle

Post by Jonathan » Mon Jun 22, 2009 8:26 am

I sent one out on Saturday:

"And if there's one thing more that she don't need, it's another hungry mouth to feed... in the ghetto".

I drunk text Elvis songs. And no one seems to get the genius of it.
Take a picture, trick. I'm on a boat, bitch.

User avatar
soundguy
Posts: 3480
Joined: Sat Oct 27, 2001 10:00 pm
Location: Woodinville, WA
Contact:

Post by soundguy » Mon Jun 22, 2009 1:37 pm

Jonathan wrote: I drunk text Elvis songs. And no one seems to get the genius of it.
There's a fuzzy, wavy line separating genius and 'tard. It's for those around you to decide where you stand at any given drunken moment. If those around you are also shitfaced, the line blurs even farther. It's an infinitely complex dance.
[b]Patrick[/b]

[i][url]http://www.themothership.net[/url][/i] Domain Registration, website Hosting, Video Services
[i][url]http://www.marshallstack.com[/url][/i] Erotic Photography
[i][url]http://www.mothershipvideo.com[/url][/i] Video pre/post production

User avatar
Jonathan
Posts: 15257
Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2001 10:00 pm
Location: Seattle

Post by Jonathan » Mon Jun 22, 2009 2:07 pm

Well, two people got back to me:
1st "That bad, eh?"
2nd "So he buys a gun and he steals a car. He tries to run, but he don't get far... in the ghetto".


So I'd say I'm 50% genius and 50% 'tard....
Take a picture, trick. I'm on a boat, bitch.

User avatar
Blake NWR
Posts: 2875
Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2004 6:15 pm
Location: Eugene, OR
Contact:

Post by Blake NWR » Mon Jun 22, 2009 2:52 pm

Awww yeeeah.
(818): i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
(615): Heaven soaked bacon.
[url=http://www.myspace.com/theswampzombiecult]Join the cult...[/url]


User avatar
wadruid
Posts: 322
Joined: Tue Sep 18, 2007 8:05 pm
Location: Renton
Contact:

Post by wadruid » Mon Jun 22, 2009 10:18 pm

Blake NWR wrote:Awww yeeeah.
Everything's better with bacon!!
[font="Arial Black"][color="Navy"][/color][/font]
Beauty is a depreciating comodity, but blow job skills are forever.:metalhead

[url]http://www.myspace.com/wolfprintsphotography[/url]

User avatar
Project Undead Vish
Posts: 3973
Joined: Wed Mar 10, 2004 5:26 pm
Location: Kent, WA
Contact:

Post by Project Undead Vish » Mon Jun 22, 2009 10:37 pm

i still think this site is the best http://www.thefoggymonocle.com
Hate the religion and pity the believer.
[img]http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a50/VishDonkeyPunch/thlohanboobies.gif[/img]

User avatar
Irrylath
Posts: 4459
Joined: Sun Sep 29, 2002 12:00 pm
Location: Seattle

Post by Irrylath » Tue Jun 23, 2009 11:15 am

I just found that site the other day. spent way too long reading those and sometimes laughing out loud. :D
There are two means of refuge from the misery of life - music and cats.
- - - Albert Schweitzer

[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v694/irrylath76/mordor.jpg[/img]

User avatar
Project Undead Vish
Posts: 3973
Joined: Wed Mar 10, 2004 5:26 pm
Location: Kent, WA
Contact:

Post by Project Undead Vish » Wed Jun 24, 2009 8:09 am

These got me laughing this morning.
(618): here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
(604): he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
(847): I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
(206): got weed?
(425): I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
(206): sorry mom...
(215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
(631): woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Hate the religion and pity the believer.
[img]http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a50/VishDonkeyPunch/thlohanboobies.gif[/img]

User avatar
Frank the Hammer
Posts: 2557
Joined: Sat Dec 22, 2001 10:00 pm
Location: Everett, WA
Contact:

Post by Frank the Hammer » Thu Jun 25, 2009 9:01 pm

Jonathan wrote:Well, two people got back to me:
1st "That bad, eh?"
2nd "So he buys a gun and he steals a car. He tries to run, but he don't get far... in the ghetto".


So I'd say I'm 50% genius and 50% 'tard....



....And his mama cried.
[url]http://www.myspace.com/frankthehammer[/url]
[url]http://www.myspace.com/jellyneck[/url]
[url]http://www.myspace.com/johnnylovesjune[/url]
99.9% of musicians are douchebags....that includes you and me. -dbl bass drummer 3/25/06
If everyone just chilled out a bit and listened to some rock&roll with their titties out, the scene would be a happier healthier place to be. -Deathboy- 2/28/08

User avatar
SLAM TV
Super Member
Posts: 2225
Joined: Sun Apr 13, 2003 11:23 pm

Post by SLAM TV » Wed Jul 01, 2009 7:52 pm

Love this site-- see what you guys have done?


(508): Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
(914): No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
no shit... they might as well call it "tr00 br00tal kvlt satanic pr0n" or something.

What next?! Catholic Lesbians on a train?


The most honorable way to die is to take a bullet for Chuck Norris. This amuses Chuck, because he is bulletproof.

[url]http://www.myspace.com/5925134[/url]

[url]http://youtube.com/profile?user=Videocrisy[/url]

User avatar
Project Undead Vish
Posts: 3973
Joined: Wed Mar 10, 2004 5:26 pm
Location: Kent, WA
Contact:

Post by Project Undead Vish » Mon Jul 06, 2009 9:14 pm

from http://www.thefoggymonocle.com :
Talk2TheTan: pretty funny quick story for you
Talk2TheTan: so my roomate is sleeping with this girl…she owns this spray tan company and is hot as fuck
Talk2TheTan: so she is in town and just decides to spray tan herself and do this model promotion thing yesterday and not pay someone else to do it…
Talk2TheTan: so in a brief history about spray tanning you get sprayed with essentially a paint gun and you wait like 8 hours to take a shower and then when you rinse it off you look tan for a few weeks…
LecherousLoon: okay, i like where this is going
Talk2TheTan: so she sprays herself in the morning and is hanging out with my roommate all afternoon
LecherousLoon: tru tru
Talk2TheTan: well they start fucking and he pulls out and busts on her stomach and huge glorious fake tits….
LecherousLoon: brilliant
LecherousLoon: tell me it fucks up her “tan”
Talk2TheTan: soo she wipes it off and since she didnt wait the 8 hours on the tan…the spray tan comes off in a nice spotted pattern all up her stomach and on her tits…
LecherousLoon: hahaha
LecherousLoon: that is an awesome story
LecherousLoon: dude
LecherousLoon: that is increidble!
Talk2TheTan: so she takes a shower and rinses the tan off and still has cum stains all over the place
Talk2TheTan: and has to do this model thing in a bikini
LecherousLoon: haha
LecherousLoon: oh man
LecherousLoon: take a picture, please take a picture!
Hate the religion and pity the believer.
[img]http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a50/VishDonkeyPunch/thlohanboobies.gif[/img]

User avatar
Project Undead Vish
Posts: 3973
Joined: Wed Mar 10, 2004 5:26 pm
Location: Kent, WA
Contact:

Post by Project Undead Vish » Fri Jul 10, 2009 10:57 pm

(970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
(303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!
Hate the religion and pity the believer.
[img]http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a50/VishDonkeyPunch/thlohanboobies.gif[/img]

User avatar
-deathboy-
Posts: 4621
Joined: Wed Feb 12, 2003 8:35 am
Location: outside your bedroom window...
Contact:

Post by -deathboy- » Mon Jul 13, 2009 3:18 pm

the ultimate text has been posted...
(847): So I'm banging this nun...
(314): Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
[align=center][font="Comic Sans MS"]
[color=red]G[/color]ore [color=red]O[/color]bsessed [color=red]L[/color]ittle [color=red]F[/color]reak
[/font]
[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v224/-deathboy-/bloodbar4gr.gif[/img][/align]

User avatar
SLAM TV
Super Member
Posts: 2225
Joined: Sun Apr 13, 2003 11:23 pm

Post by SLAM TV » Mon Jul 13, 2009 10:11 pm

(514): just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed


(847): this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way

(404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
(1-404): Two?
(404): Two.

(201): she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.

(530): You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.

(989): Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
no shit... they might as well call it "tr00 br00tal kvlt satanic pr0n" or something.

What next?! Catholic Lesbians on a train?


The most honorable way to die is to take a bullet for Chuck Norris. This amuses Chuck, because he is bulletproof.

[url]http://www.myspace.com/5925134[/url]

[url]http://youtube.com/profile?user=Videocrisy[/url]

User avatar
BLADE
Posts: 21
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2009 9:31 pm

Post by BLADE » Mon Jul 13, 2009 10:14 pm


Hello dear Earthling,

I am a creature from a galaxy far away, visiting
your planet. I have transformed myself into this
text file. As you are reading it, I am having sex
with your eyeballs. I know you like it because
you are smiling.

Please pass me on to someone else because I’m
really horny.

User avatar
Blake NWR
Posts: 2875
Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2004 6:15 pm
Location: Eugene, OR
Contact:

Post by Blake NWR » Thu Jul 16, 2009 2:13 pm

Hehe, this is awesome.
(713): How bad was it?
(1-713): You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth

(330): She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
(202): Odds of those being real?
(614): One in who gives a fuck
[url=http://www.myspace.com/theswampzombiecult]Join the cult...[/url]

User avatar
Gore Whore
Posts: 2045
Joined: Sat Mar 08, 2003 1:59 pm
Location: Here
Contact:

Post by Gore Whore » Mon Aug 03, 2009 9:06 am

(828): There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
(402): Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
(402): The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"


Oh god, I can't stop laughing... now I have Air Supply in my head..
What, are you gonna fuck me when I'm when dead?


[b]Turns out sex is messy[/b]. After good sex? Whew... all sorts of sticky funk goin' on. Girly fluids and cherry flavored love lube and spermicide and semen and saliva all over everything. It's like a rape kit exploded or something equally insane. Reeks like sweat and latex and lust. Damn, gettin' kinda turned on here.

User avatar
SLAM TV
Super Member
Posts: 2225
Joined: Sun Apr 13, 2003 11:23 pm

Post by SLAM TV » Mon Aug 03, 2009 2:33 pm

(319): The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
(404): I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
(212): i want you now
(916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
:dsmoke:
no shit... they might as well call it "tr00 br00tal kvlt satanic pr0n" or something.

What next?! Catholic Lesbians on a train?


The most honorable way to die is to take a bullet for Chuck Norris. This amuses Chuck, because he is bulletproof.

[url]http://www.myspace.com/5925134[/url]

[url]http://youtube.com/profile?user=Videocrisy[/url]

User avatar
Blake NWR
Posts: 2875
Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2004 6:15 pm
Location: Eugene, OR
Contact:

Post by Blake NWR » Fri Aug 07, 2009 8:46 pm

(603): So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
(1-603): Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
(617): guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
(508): Haha, bad night?
(519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
(716): You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
And, I'm pretty sure THIS one's from Ryan:
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
[url=http://www.myspace.com/theswampzombiecult]Join the cult...[/url]

User avatar
wadruid
Posts: 322
Joined: Tue Sep 18, 2007 8:05 pm
Location: Renton
Contact:

Post by wadruid » Sun Aug 09, 2009 10:50 am

(720): Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
[font="Arial Black"][color="Navy"][/color][/font]
Beauty is a depreciating comodity, but blow job skills are forever.:metalhead

[url]http://www.myspace.com/wolfprintsphotography[/url]

User avatar
Evil Red
Posts: 5852
Joined: Mon Aug 30, 2004 12:00 pm
Location: Way the fuck up I-5, B'ham
Contact:

Post by Evil Red » Sun Aug 09, 2009 1:18 pm

"(519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

I've been blabbing Lion King for weeks, since I was hoping to catch the play in Vegas, so the timing alone of this = smeared eyeliner! :D
I made the Devil do it.

User avatar
Blake NWR
Posts: 2875
Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2004 6:15 pm
Location: Eugene, OR
Contact:

Post by Blake NWR » Wed Aug 12, 2009 12:44 pm

(303): We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drugs.
:metalhead
[url=http://www.myspace.com/theswampzombiecult]Join the cult...[/url]

User avatar
-deathboy-
Posts: 4621
Joined: Wed Feb 12, 2003 8:35 am
Location: outside your bedroom window...
Contact:

Post by -deathboy- » Fri Aug 14, 2009 3:21 pm

bwwahahahaha

(212): I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
[align=center][font="Comic Sans MS"]
[color=red]G[/color]ore [color=red]O[/color]bsessed [color=red]L[/color]ittle [color=red]F[/color]reak
[/font]
[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v224/-deathboy-/bloodbar4gr.gif[/img][/align]

User avatar
Blake NWR
Posts: 2875
Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2004 6:15 pm
Location: Eugene, OR
Contact:

Post by Blake NWR » Tue Aug 18, 2009 12:16 pm

Oh my goodness... LMAO!!
(328): im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
(1-328): anal.
[url=http://www.myspace.com/theswampzombiecult]Join the cult...[/url]


Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest